Community
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
♥ Tuesday, January 31, 2006
There are feelings tonight. Maybe its the talk with Daryl over a drink at Ban Heng, maybe its the comment i received on my blog, maybe its the booking in tomorrow. Whatever it is, i am going to address my flurry of emotions concerning community.
Nowadays, when i address this issue of community, sometimes i find it hard to verbalize the term, "my" in community. haha, maybe now is one of those moments when we feel abstract to ourselves. Where the words make sense, but we arent really able to understand where we stand in the meaning of those words. Abstract.
ok, hmm. abt community? Well, gotta be truthful. Relationships with ppl around me have become important. And with my current army obligations, it has become glaringly important: i have become aware that the "waves of change and chance" can sweep the very people i hold dear away from me. Is that paranoia? Or is that in fact, a deep realization into the appreciation of each person around me? At this point in time, haha, i like to believe its the latter. And if we'd perceive this as "Kingdom Building", i guess i am pretty passionate about it! I guess the issue is that, community has yet to enter that list of a "relationship that matter". Now, what a scandal that kinda statement is huh? Dont get me wrong. I am not disillusioned, cynical or proud. Or at least at this point in time i think im not. And There are people in there, who have walked with me, and whom i hold dear to. BUt when its to community, things become more grey.
What is community? A place to live and grow in faith. (Man, these answers are coming up so fast i wonder whether i believe them)
Who makes up community? Me. Me and You. Wait, thats wrong. Its Jesus. Jesus calls me and you into community.
How we go about making community? Sharing of lives, praying together.
Why sharing and praying? So we know each other, and we know God, and we get to be with one another and God.
What is community for? TO build the kingdom of GOd.
What is the kingdom of God? Peace, love and joy.
Why Me? Because Jesus said, "go baptize the nations.." We also follow the footsteps of the apostles to bring the message of Jesus to people, to be the hand and legs and mouth of God.
okok, probably on doing more of this little question-asking, i might fan whats left of that flame i have :)
Hmm..i think without hesitation, i can say, i love God. And im trying to love HIm more. But...there's always a but to it. BUT i have problems loving HIs Church. I find it hard to walk into the lives of some strangers, and letting them be close through the ardous task of journeying, only to book back into camp asking myself whether i have loved the people who love me so much. Namely, my family, Val and Evelyn. And so what grants me my answer? Time! The time i spend with my brother, over movies, or chit-chatting; or with my sister, following her to church and talking to her on the endless stuff we can talk about; or with Evelyn in our damn fun hangouts; or Val in our very often deep conversations- its TIME that lets me overlap my life with theirs. ANd its TIME that let me tell them what they mean to me. But you see, i just dont have that now do i? Army leaves me in such a predicament i can only make do with what i have. So i guess MSC is picking up its vibrancy, which involves that kinda commitment i have MAJOR issues making.
i think when we talk about community, we inevitably have to reveal tonnes about ourselves..i guess in a bid to be accountable too la. But with i have shown, on reading my own blog, i dont really see change. Haha, if anything, it'd be the time i spend with MSC. But on what im looking for, on how i have gone about looking for that, its pretty much the same isnt it? I look for God. ( i always were). I find it through ppl.( it used to be community, & prob my marist friends). So we grow up, yes. But somehow, our desires stay rooted to the trapped portions of our souls, longing to be shepherded and guided out into the vast plains of love. And at this current point in time, the shepherd of my soul, is showing me that my relationships will point me into that direction. haha, all i ask for, is not really understanding, but acceptance. Accept my situation for the torn person i am. Accept it for its inevitability, and accept it for its (hopefully) passing phase.
Community, is i guess, my abstraction to me- Where it make sense to be, but i cant see the meaning of me being in it. Not at this point in time. But im glad. Cause im seeing what has to be seen, and am dealing with it the way my faith allows me to. Whatever it is, we'll keep in prayer together.
Wow, didnt know that much thoughts could come out from this. Somehow sounds more like an email. :)
testimonials
Saturday, January 28, 2006
♥ Saturday, January 28, 2006
ok i have no idea how this inspiration came about. But it sure did. And today's post is about the people who mean so much to me. Ha, and i have just got to tell the world that saints exist.
Now, the church dudes will definitely know her. Sweet, quiet, lovely (very pretty too!) she is my da jie. Damn it, if only you're half yr age i'd gone for you haha. Anyway, this lady entered my life a good 3 years ago? She joint this church community, called Youthworks, just about the same year i decided to commit. And well, Im a quiet guy, she's a quiet girl, somehow just did not have the chance to really interact. Wow, now that i look back its quite hard to pinpoint an exact time when we grew close. But there were a definite good number of occasions where we walked though and enjoyed life's journey together- check out christmas! That year, Mellee, Val and I decided to come together to make christmas presents. What we came out with, was this champagne glass, with our own paintings and designs on it. Pretty significant, was the time we shared together, to talk. Somehow, the relationships build on the talking-overlapping of lives, realizations, reflections, understanding. And then just check out this week! We went to watch 'In Her Shoes' together. Haha, was quite a deviation from our initial plan of going adoration, but still the movie sure was good wasnt it. Meaningfully crafted, i think the un orthodoxy of a typical sister relationship was weaved in very realistically, and sure touched us both. i aint gonna share my entire history i shared with Valerie, probably in bits and pieces lah, but not in this entry. But being chinese new year, reunion dinner, old memories and all..just wanted to use this opportunity to let the whole world know, that great people do exist( those that change lives with love) and that from day one, this friendship with ya found its place into my heart.Somehow, at many moments of my life, you were there for me. And more importantly, i sure wouldnt have anyone else around! Somehow, with you, i am free. But words dont do justice do they? You're my sister. And as the movie ends with this poem, so adequately i end this little testimonial for you, "i hold your heart; i hold it in my heart." Love ya da jie!
Ah, Evelyn! haha, i bet the moment you saw yourself here your head grew too big for your body. Ok, i ALWAYS make fun of her. Hey, but its vice versa too. And somehow, this girl i got to know in vj, is always able to perk me up. At every meetup, its almost ritualistic: we'll have our friendly'quarrel' and then we'll settle for some food, and then we'll go into some real gd depth. And then our walk with God ( thats a really beautiful portion of it, Eve) and then probably a movie or something. Shit, We hit it off so well, haha there was a period of time where even her bf grew jealous! ( The gd old days) And then we walked through a period of our own issues huh. Our little friction, misunderstandings.. Behind all of this, is one genuine and touching friendship. SOmehting, i didnt really think that quite possible in the beginning of jc..u know, with my cynicism, pride and all. We even went through a time where we had to ask ourselves if the friendship would get anywhere the moment A levels ended. I think during jc, this kinda stuff mattered to us on a really deep level: knowing where we stood in each other's lives and all. But haha questions are answered now arent they? ok, i recall now this thing she did hit me quite hard. There was an instance, where i had to deal with my vacuums in the army (that would be last year december if i recall correctly) and then i called her, and she gave me one of those kinda sharings that somehow brought my relationship to God on a renewed and recharged level. And thats just about what this friendship has been so often. About God, about struggling to see him, about ministry, a little theology here and there. Which is great! Its wonderful how she centralises so much on God and its Him who's been solely suppporting this very very joyous friendship. So, thank God, and thank you. For putting up with all my nonsense. But the walk with you, have been wonderful. Told you how much you meant to me. Now, the blog's to tell the world that.
Monday, January 23, 2006
♥ Monday, January 23, 2006
So here it goes.. hmm, on today's menu will be Called to Holiness by Ralph Martin, I kissed Dating Goodbye by JOshua Harris and The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks.
Called to Holiness (080106- date i finished reading) was given as a christmas present by Colin- i think in an attempt to set lives straight- haha probably my life in particular. Pretty scriptural based, there were certain times my own pride set in (after all, its kinda been there done that right?), and i dismissed the potential wisdom the book carried. But nevertheless, i grew to accept the instructions for my life with humility. Metanoia huh..
Alright, nothing to hide, i am in such a stage where books like "I kissed Dating Goodbye"(120106) comes in pretty handy. Joshua Harris is good. Too good in fact its almost intimidating. But i guess when it comes to following God there is no easier option, thus the radicalism of relationships so lucidly portrayed in the book. Nice, sweet examples of christian relationships mentioned in the book, just somehow isnt quite visible in Singapore. For example, Joshua Harris mentioned an occasion where a couple refused to engage in passionate kissing till marriage. Somehow there's a sanctity to it, not many would adhere to. So, kinda sounds improbable right? Not in the place where im in at least. But, whats faith untested? whats love without crises? Whats human without flaws? We get to find out ourselves on being nothing.
Joshua Harris would condemn this. The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks(160106). In short, its about a father, husband who messes up an anniversary, and suddenly discovers his wife is no longer in love. Lovey-dovey. But its fantasy alright. The vast world of imagination we think our reality can eventually ascend to. But haha guess at the end of the day, its imagination that tells us our desires for love that lasts right? Read somewhere that maturity is the proper juggle between disillusionment and the ideal. So, i would think God's timing of reading both books " i kissed Dating Goodbye" and "The Wedding" would be his way of experiencing reality, that disillusions, and the perception of an ideal.
His Call to my Holiness?
♥ Monday, January 23, 2006
My first time blogging.
Not exactly the most exciting, but of course there exists that possiblity that this could be something meaningful.
As the address of this blog suggests, i will try to post down as much thoughts in as truthful a manner, through the books i read and movies i watch because, somehow these mediums of entertainment have become like eyes- windows to my soul.
So, i guess in an attempt to correct any incoherence or mend any of my "thought fragments", will be nice of you all to clarify and comment.
Will try my best to update it on a weekly basis. or if there's any sudden inspiration to jot down something i'd like to tell the world. haa.
