Enjoying chaos.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
♥ Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It's what i have to do, it's an assignment due this friday, another one due on Tuesday. It's an exam i have in three weeks, and readings i have not so much as begun. It is the Nicaragua case, and the legal arguments for collective self-defence, the analysis behind customary norms, it is the dismal grades from an assignment returned, a morale lost in the heat of all those arguments and then its church, its people and elections. And its exercise. In short, it is chaos.
Having a schedule only brings me into the deeper illusion of an order. Knowing what comes next is not the same as knowing what i am doing. And so today i am just going to make clear where exactly am i headed, and in that direction how does everything fit in.
I am headed to this uncompromising, unforgiving place called litigation. It, in perhaps its greek-roman-spanish-paganistic origin, must have been founded in some sort of war. They call it an adversarial system. In the past, they used to fight with swords. Now we use words. I am learning all those tactics. I am learning this is in a painstaking and absolutely degrading manner. What I have done is to subject myself to the scrutiny of the professors and my peers, to their eager minds waiting to challenge my logic at its very foundations. Necessary, as i said in the previous post. But none in the least bit, because of this mere necessity, more comforting.
So the course i am taking, is a good reflection of that. Might be a matter of coincidence or grace, depending on the perspective you incline towards- it is arbitration and international moots. It is jurisprudence to open my mind abit wider. Its debates held in class, the framing of arguments. It is about the my writing style and more importantly the manner in which i organize my thoughts. And from what you can tell, that seems to be in quite a mess.
But I can assure you that this is an exciting life. It's an action film that those great explosions you see on TV, the glamorous sword fights between Hector and Achilles, the light saber exchanges between Obi Wan and Anakin, the Face Off between Nicholas Cage and John Travolta, pale in comparison to. But these movies do go some way to delivering a metaphorical description and encapsulation of the process in which I am pursuing my subject matter. It is about manuevering through the thought processes, finding that argument that clinches the deal- and then delivering it with the force and precision of a tomahawk cruise missile.
Yes, they say litigation is destructive. I dont think my pictorial descriptions could save it from such an accusation- if anything it would reinforce it. But that is the joy. The achievement lies in the control of the situation through the use of reason. THe side stepping of issues by framing an argument in a maner. It is the assertion of facts in a way that does not render it challengeable. And its a world of battle out there. I would say most of that battle takes place within. Those raging feelings of inadequacy are paralysing and decapacitating.
So necessarily, we need to have a place of calm, where there are no fighting and no wars. Church is that demilitarized war zone. That no-man's land between the North and the South, the ultimate cease fire. But that is not completely true, in church there is also that same tension occasionally. A lot lesser though- after all, it is demilitarized. But all things considered, it is that peace and quiet, the place to recuperate. Church is the chance to recover, where there is humanitarian aid on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. It is rejuvenating.
In a perverse manner, I've enjoyed my life, and am relishing each excrutiating moment.as they come along.
