Who is GOD.

Wah..feel super unworthy to do this article, considering where i am. Feels hypocritical. But, its not about what i feel..its about whats necessary.


Finished reading the synopsis of Paradise Lost by John Milton yesterday..how Satan tries successfully to draw Man and Woman outta the Garden of Eden. He used one word: obsession. It was Woman's obsession with herself, and Man's obsession to Woman that culminated into the acquiring of the knowledge of good and evil..that drove Man & Woman out. (of course, this isnt too biblical, but every new perspective is another perspective right.)


So then, we get a quick view into the history of Man. Man's betrayal as a result of Man's obsession by Woman's temptation and finally, the choice made to condemn everything sacred and beautiful with the ability to determine what's good and what's evil. Man has rejected God, and God has rightfully rejected Man. And with Man's loss of paradise, along came with him..Sin and Death.


Sin is nothing more than sheer obsession, and Death is perhaps the consequence of such obsession. What is sin obsessed with? The self! The desire to feel and to be powerful. Thats the idea behind sexual immorality, thats the idea behind any evil committed- men are no longer ends in themselves, they are means.


But God hasnt had enough of Man! He wants Man back..and to accept fully and completely. However, He cant do so, without Man already choosing a path that led to so much destruction and so much gap btw them. So God decided, if it was Man that sin entered, it must be Man that sin would leave. And not just any ordinary Man..it must be a Man of divine nature! A Man would just be as tainted as another. Now, who would this divine Man be..other than God's very own Son??


And who would better bear His Son, than that of a Woman that God would hold in high esteem? How do you undo disobedience? By Obedience!
The saying of the Fiat, with the encountering of 'and sorrow like a sharp sword will break your own heart', is obedience and the price that comes along with it. So in God's perspective of history, nothing lost will not be found.


And then comes Jesus. How would Jesus bear sin, and for good, destroy it? How would Jesus absorb sin and death, and remove it?
Thats the meaning of suffering that we must all ask. What does it mean when Christ suffered for all?? He couldnt have NOT suffered, because it is in precisely suffering that Jesus encounters the pain that humanity offers. It is in precisely the encountering of sin and temptation that Jesus witnesses firsthand the meaning of pain and suffering. Thats why he says, 'when the Son of Man is raised, He'll draw all to Himself.' Our comprehension is not complete without experience. It was such experience that Jesus understood completely both his humanity and divinity-'but let Your will, not mine, be done.'


And the late pope brings in a brilliantly new perspective. 'Ecce Homo' means 'Behold the Man'. When Pontious Pilate made such a remark, he unconsciously hails the true Man. The Man that is completely stripped of dignity, the Man that is tortured beyond recognition, but the Man that Man was all along..before the scourging and onslaught of sin. Pontious Pilate gave definitively the meaning of what it means to be human. The human christ, when raised, draw all Man to him. And when God said, He made Man in His image, its precisely in such humility that Man comes to experience and thus comprehend the divine, and to see the 'God in himself'.


And yes, we ask..who is God. Perhaps, it wouldnt be too absurd to ask instead, who we are.
Casting Crowns has this song that attempts to answer such a question.
And its in the chorus that we find out, "not because of who I am, but because of what You've done; not because of what I have done, but because of who You are!'


With that, the relationship between Man and Man is changed. Man no longer sees another as a means, but an ends. Because love is definitively within, and so when we love, we no longer love another for his or her possessions, but for who he or she is. So in encountering the true God, in the true Man, we experience our true selves, and love the true other, with none other than true love!


SIBLING

Peace is so fragile isnt it. A comment, a sniff of someone's insensitivity or a brief moment of an unkind gesture and CRACK!


But the beauty of relationships is that i guess it can never be completely broken-there will be remnants and bits in the form of emotional ties or memories, and that if seen under the lens of gratefulness, can be a HUGE source of healing.


Lately, I guess my sister and I have brought each other to our boiling points. But I would think yesterday, more appropriate than any other day (because its the day i believe i get a new lease of life), we tried managing that crack btw the both of us. Note: word used is 'manage', not 'undo'


Wow..i just realised how hard it is to put it down in words..the history as tumultous as it is beautiful and wonderful, goes way way back...But i guess as we mature and actually try understanding each other, we begin to realise that we affect each other in ways we couldnt have imagined.


My sister's name is Michelle. She's thoughtful and caring. She's loud and she's stubborn. She's pretty and she is knowledgeable. She's assertive and she's painfully direct. She's friendly and she's very sociable. Sometimes I feel that I cant be perfect without her..haha all her character traits is just about what i lack. We complement each other so much we get on each other's nerves!


Yet, she's the one in family that really really knows whats going on la..Im the blur one. Its not that i dont bother..its perhaps i am blur, short attention span, or constantly somewhere else. I on the other hand, exhibit different characteristics that enhance our family scene- when im not in an emotional flurry, I am rationale and am able to deal with tense matters (as much as i might contribute to the tension sometimes!:)), I am the one who dares to bring in real issues of faith and priorities for discussion. So, yeah man, our idiosyncracies are really what makes our family unique and in many ways, alive!


But she's the one that I know i can just about tell everything..from crushes to studies, from ambitions to faith, from lame jokes to sad truths..is there anything more, really? Of course, we have our differences-and trust me, our differences and intolerances of each other stretch from 1 side of our neighbourhood to the other with our thunderous voices combined. Its quite funny, sometimes you look back at it..the booming madness from one house, and from that ONE house! Haha...i can already imagine when neighbours just get to discuss, I can ardy imagine the finger pointing and shaking of heads..If we aint famous, at least be infamous right?? haha.



Well, the ride has be nothing short of interesting. And there's much to praise God for.. i mean just looking around at the influences that hit us- for me its like army, smoking, the sleaze that secularism offers, and for her its like girl-girl relationships, perhaps smoking as well, the overwhelming wave of materialism and sensualism- we've kinda stood our grounds and juggled pretty well huh..not perfectly well of course, but pretty damn well. Owing that to our parents of course.. I guess, the last remaining question would be faith la. That would be Mum's idea of completion as a family. To not be segregated on any grounds, if any, at least not that of religion.


Cool dude my sister, eh?

Joshua Kenny and I met up yesterday. I guess God does work marvels la slowly and subtlely. It is a point of reconciliation, or perhaps the beginning of it. And in many ways, i believe there is a slight crack in the wall of pride and cynicism..i believe my eyes are slowly experiencing the light. But slowly...there's something that i have yet do, and its imperative to take such steps.

I used to wonder whether this was it... I guess Joshua was really opened, and it'll be nice having a refreshing perspective from someone who really, really knows and understands.

Today on the other hand, was an amazing day. 12 of us turned up for Sentosa outing. And as always, it was sheer fun..albeit yesterday's conversation left me in a slightly melancholic mood.
Halfway in the sentosa outing, i went for a swim.
the scene of 'city of angels' came to me...this guy after losing a loved one, goes to the beach and just splashes in the waves.. Its the beginning of my freedom, and the letting go of my anger and the re-beginning of peace.




After that, we went to Rice Table at Suntec for dinner. Super problematic la, cuz Desmond's and Yi Ming's birthday, one like chocolate cake, another cant stand it..so what we did? We got half a choco cake, half a mango cake! haha..from NYDC. And we managed to pull off the very pleasant surprise. In it, we just discussed the super funny things that happened in MSHS...its been so long since i laughed so hard, and i kinda wished those moments will just never leave.

Thats what being in the moment, seizing the day means. People, listen! Truths should perhaps no longer be heard..they should be lived.
Who is desmond? Yiming? Linus? Chian Yee? Munpun?
Who is Darren? Samson? Ivan? Andy? Torrence?
They are the me that i was, and they are perhaps the remaining clue to the me that i am.
Perhaps you can judge for yourself whether today was living... because it sure felt like it.

There are others who are like them..but they've become a blur. I will be sending out the email soon. And i guess we must only wait and see...

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!

i watched 2 movies today.

In the afternoon i watched the Prestige with Melvyn. Brilliant movie about 2 competing magicians and how they begin fighting for fame and ambition and how to outdo each other, at the expense of their souls...they begin raging and plotting against one another, for better performances..and finally to the cost of their lives. The sin of rage and power... to the cost of everything they hold dear.

Then after dinner with family, i watched Sweet November with jie. This is a show about a dying girl who's only hope in life, is to get people around her excited and passionate about life. So Charlize Theron's character meets Keanu Reeves', and begin a journey of fun! Keanu Reeves' character begins with a person who's sole being is at work, and is fully absorbed with his secular life..that he has no time for relationships, or hobbies or anything for the matter. He bumps into her..and she forces him to make a pact to be with her for a month (that being November!) And as he falls in love with her..he begins finding out the things that he missed most part of his life-LIFE!

2 very very contrasting movies. And 2 movies that speaks of themes that lie on opposite ends of the spectrum. 1 is of loss..and another is of being found. 1 is of anger....and another's of love. 1's of death...and another's of life. This is the central theme to the tug of war life is.

What is life? The balance, or at least the struggle to balance between the 2 different themes of love and hate, of happiness and anger, of hope and despair... so on and so forth. And more importantly, to allow one theme to shine more brightly than the other!
There's something i need to do...to let the theme of faith govern my life..

Carpe Diem! Seizing the day! Actually been trying to live my life based on this philosophy from quite some time back..and as much as there may be shitty times, it has been a meaningful journey.
But the Euphoria that should come when one is in hte crux of life, living it...the peace that comes from being friends and being loved, the love that 'springs forth from within', the enjoyment of the movement of life and animals and plants and the skies and the people...the sheer basking in the greatness and splendour of the love of my family..the singing to the rythm of life as said in e cj talk..its smth im constantly reaching out, to grasp and just to be intimate with life.


CJC CAMP- 211006-211006

Well well.. its really different ministering to j ones. Aand because i see my personal success in a camp with like whether there were really awkward silences..i deem this quite a colossal failure. haha. Imagine- the moment we try to talk something with the slightest hint of being spiritual or serious, you get deafening silence! Argh, haha.

Certain things did get my attention! In many ways, i kinda felt like the participant. :)

1) Lion King! Amplify actually used the movie to show how we get deceived and how we eventually find out who we are- by finding out whose we are.. Brilliant!

2) Family chat...on relationships and relating to parents. It was touching that they actually called down parents to give the chat.

3) the Lawyers... i always they were charismatic and influential in their own idiosyncracies. But i never saw it in such a spiritual light. The talks they had spoke to me ..perhaps more than the lethargic participants! haha. One's about the baggages we carry..another's about our Mission.

4) the Prayers. The talent pool in Amplify seems quite astonishing. Everyone utilises their gifts and those in the particular ministries seem so passionate and yes, talented! So, those in the prayer ministry..did a wonderful job of bringing over 100 facils in prayer! The sheer pressure of it!

So yea...it was a good camp for me. Though i kinda failed my personal evaluation as a facil. haha
Never mind, just learn. Probably will get the hang of it in a camp or two.

I gues i know the reasons behind it la.. just feels difficult to confront. And i am against the idea of having to confront it, as part of a deep chat...as much as it may be the case currently.

The Wk Ahead!

Abit of offs coming up. So better plan ahead.

Fri to Sat 10 pm Will be at CJC retreat. Gonna be a time away experiencing God and just be away in retreat. So pray it'll be good.

Sunday- session, am i going? dont know. Well, there's the Prestige with Melvyn and Mum's bday dinner after at Anges house! Wooh. There's Mass..and perhaps watch with Mun Pun Pulp Fiction. See how.

Monday- probably watch The Departed again, with Evelyn. Damn long havent met her..hope she can make it la. Probably gym or swim in the morning. Driving for 3.5 hrs straight from 4 plus! argh...but gotta do it la. The longer i drag the more $$ i waste.

Tues- Sentosa hopefully! Counting on Desmond to make it happen. Marist meetup after a looooong hiatus man. End of the day with Rice Table or some cool dinner. Session, am i going? dont know.

Wed- Morning to myself. And then there's guard duty. Sian...


Sounds like a great wk ahead! Eventful and meaningful! Haha..sometimes i look back, and i think, aiyah i perhaps am experiencing a really rounded life after all ( but of course, when i am feeling angsty, i contradict myself la. which is damn stupid)!

Went for NUS early matriculation talk, and then NTU's scholarship talk. Hmm..i guess options are beginning to be really open. Now, its to be matured and dare to make bold decisions for Christ. Also, just came back from a session from YES- some talk regarding how to handle interviews.

Leaving for CJ soon...slightly anxious but a part of me does feel a sense of peace. 'i come to you not with words of philosophy but with power!'
'so that your faith will not rest on human wisdom but on the power of God!'

Had a chat with Alvin yest. Its nice talking to ya bro, as i mentioned in the sms, albeit being at like 1230 in the night!! haha.
And also, its very nice having a point of release, of all pent up thoughts.
Shall we talk abt community? I do not know.

What i can talk about, however, is God.
I recall the chat yesterday, and then in a certain reflective manner, i begin realising that we are all in the same boat.
How so? We ask and ask and ask. Its out innate nature to discover and question. In fact, if i could add, its only human to reach for the mysteries that baffle our common senses. Yet, i ask perhaps 1 too many sometimes. It wasnt right to ask Alvin whether there was an important function to his call. It was only right to give him that trust.

Another of which baffles us is really, relationships. Alright, as promised, i will be truthful.
It seemed to me, as if community and friendships are intertwined. Now, of course this is perhaps only natural, being that our commitment forges bonds, with each session that we dutifully turn up for. But, is the converse true? That whilst we fail to commit, in our own humanistic desire of mediocrity, does our relationships get threatened?

Should relationships break down, on our own refusal to commit as enthusiastically as the rest, then the key question is this. What have this relationship be based on? It seems that should a scenario where a friendship disintegrates as a result of a departure from community happen, it only reflects the kind of genuineness that began the friendship! Or lack thereof, rather.

Its interesting reading my own thoughts. The more i reject my personal feelings for the comm, the more the thoughts seem to propagate. I wonder why.

So, where is God? I will show you where He is.
2 citations of roughly the same kind of language shut me up, for all the cynicism i had.
1st was Marie's msg of' serving the community outta love and service'
2ndly was Alvin's Love thy God and thy neighbour.
It seems that the drill of my wall seemed to be none other than the notion of love.
It is wrong to ask whether we have been loving..because love is a present, active verb. Perhaps, our acid test, our exam-to-end-all-exams of our lives and our relationships and our community, is against Love. For conformed to love, if we are not; condemnation, we then be subjected to.

I believe there are many, many out there looking and in the light of certain events, it is even more evident that many, many have been crying. Most importantly, a cry left alone, is a cry muted, a cry forgotten. And in forgetting, in leaving alone, in muting, we have forgotten who these cries belong to- Jesus. We never really saw it that way, have we? As cries belonging to that of a persecuted, crucified and crying Jesus, as a Jesus who shouted to the heavens that echoes in all depths of human persecution and injustice,' Eli Eli, Lama Sabachtani!'

So, yes, its right, to say that when we havent had the love for what we flippantly call 'brothers' or 'sisters', we havent kept close to Christ in his cry, and we ask the most important question of all...if we're not Christocentric, what pagan gods of pleasure, secularism and flamboyance have we been worshipping?

Well, on a lighter note, a heart of service and sacrifice changes and lightens. A heart to minister and to share breaks isolation and perhaps cynicism. 'the day will come when all the desires of our hearts will be brought into the light...and then EVERYONE WILL RECEIVE PRAISE.'

Went to this prayer prep session at minor sem, for upcoming wk's cjc camp.
Had this praying over session, that i thought was very prophetic-how the stuff i din mention to the praying team, was suddenly sensed by one of them. It kinda threw me offguard..though of course, i wanted to keep my cool

I couldnt keep it when Janice asked me 'whats your biggest struggle'. Somehow i am a terrible, terrible liar, and i just told her generally what really was bugging me, and yes, like Jericho, the walls became tumbling down. So praise God for janice.. though it lasted for say 10 mins, its been sooo long since i really had a heart to heart chat.

Just re-watched Passion Of Christ. There's a certain conviction that have yet become a part of me.. how do you live life knowing you're loved? More importantly, i have to put the upcoming camp first. I can deal with myself later. So question is, how do you bring a conviction, so necessary to a people?

A certain event took place on Tues. My bro went for his 1st ever participation in his karaoke competition. Although the results were slightly disappointing, I nevertheless saw a facet of life from another lens. The lens of pride.
I think for the first time, i was consciously aware of how proud i was, for my brother to be performing. I have attended many of his performances, but somehow this one, when he stood alone, amidst a bunch of strangers and the intimidating glare of the judges, and sang the song ' Candle in the Wind', did something really joyful stir in me. This was my brother, performing.

This is my brother who has broken the family norm of stagefright, and who is saying that 'ITS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE!' And like Marianne Williamson's phrase ' while we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously allow others to shine their light..' Yes, its to be a possibility, thats so awe inspiring..especially in my pursuit of that one thing.

What is life but a sequence of moments?
What is life but to fulfil a certain purpose?
These moments are to fulfil certain purposes..that lead to the grand picture of The Purpose.
Now, God intended you to have certain moments for certain occasions.

Take the movie, The Departed by Martin Scorsese for example. Its 4.5 stars. Which means, since God had intended you to be born in such a century, in the age of such movies..that your life's moments were dedicated into watching movies like these! Trust me- God had given you 3 hrs just to catch this. Jack Nicholson was a phenomenon. Remmeber the crazy Joker in Batman by Tim Burton? He plays this twice as cynically and twice more as psychotic. Brilliant; i wished i hadnt watched Infernal Affairs though..

Watched the movie with Mun Pun, and had cool lunch at fish and co with desmond. Treated them to Big O's durian cake! haha..i think i enjoyed it most tho. Anyway had a great time.

No ppl. Its not just another blogskin. I've spent a gd 2.5 hrs surfing the net for what most adequately represents what God wants of me. Its symbolic. I have grown tired of that mask, and being in that masquerade, and am inspired by John Paul the 2nd.

So it begins..with the theme of Beethovan's Moonlight Sonata. I am no Romantic. So naturally, i am unable to substantiate the asethetic worth and artistry of this piece. But i know that if the moon's a reflection from the source (the sun), and if my sun (Jesus) requires to be that subtle but powerful moon of his, perhaps in my reflections and thoughts i had better begin being that.

In the world of the night, the moonlight is what we are all tasked to be.

'Happy happy can liao', the taxi uncle, mr John Doe, left me.

Was done with some Amplify ministry session, and on the way to meet zongrong, marcus Goh and kenneth at phuture. Being that i din wanna be late, i took a cab. And sparked a tiny conversation that i can only call what dota players coin as 'God-like'- while they mean its something thats impressively powerful, i mean it as the only way God would want it to be.

'go where', uncle asked.
'zouk, you know where?'
'wo zhi dao ah'

..... and it carried on, cant remember exactly, but it suddenly touched on this.
' xian zai bu enjoy, ji shi enjoy?'It was just a statement pertaining to my going zouk that day.
i laughed. Its true; enjoyment is imperative to an individual my age, or wait,any age for the matter.

'your children studying in uni?' i asked in chinese. In fact, just about our entire dialogue was in mandarin la.
'no la, secondary school only.'
'what sch?'
he muttered somehting... i couldnt really make out what he said.
'somewhere in marsiling'.

'wah..the next president or prime minister!' i joked.
' no need lah...just dont do anyhting stupid, zuo ge hao ren (not exactly wad he said..), can ardy la.'
Was that what we learn in like chinese classes? was that what 'you yong de ren' meant? Being good?

The conversation went on...and somehow touched on the subject of age.
'uncle you've been driving for how long ardy?'
'12 years liao...'
'haha aiyah few more years your children come out take care of you lor...'
'take care of me? dunno la...they'll say me muddle headed (was that the word in chinese?) one la...old people all like that wad. Go zouk hear until go zoo!'

'uncle, will you let your children go zouk next time?'
'aiyah they want to do what, let them do lor..sometimes cannot control too much also what.'
And then he spoke of what i understood as, as long it was within a certain tolerance it is ok.

'uncle your shift until what time?'
'do until 5am!'
'wah..then tomorrow rest lor...'
'go home sleep lor, then wake up buy kopi then go back drive.. need money wad bo pian'

Cant remember much of the content. If i were to compare it with many other conversations, and even sharings, perhaps this wouldnt amount to much... but this, had a somewhat magical impact on me.. it was another father's and another citizen's and another human being's lens on this world.
Of course, it definitely wasnt comprehensive. It probably isnt even interesting, but it meant something to me..not only was it light hearted and spirited, it was truthful and honest, and i was a complete stranger to him.
It was a life philosophy, no? 'happy happy can liao'. It meant something to me.

" Good Evening, you who have found sufficient time to read this, i applaud you for your time and ask only for your heart to listen. If its the first time you're looking at this blog, the mask and the words are the direct opposite this blog was supposed to be. What is this blog supposed to be about? Truth. Innocence. God.

Should you ever have looked through certain other blogs like Hautzeng's or his girlfriend's, you'd be able to remark with a certain wonder how they proclaim such reverance and sincerity. Yet, should you ever need to find where your truth and your sincerity be found, you need not look far- you need only look into your own eyes.

The windows of the soul, are they not? The eyes that look away when the truth becomes so flagrantly exposed, and the eyes that roll when your self righteousness tell you that you have been there, and done that. The emails have become a certain window into people's souls, no? Yes..yes...you see it, and of course marvel and revel in the fact a tiny miracle is building- the miracle of conversion.

What i see, are cries. Cries that have echoed through time, and over time have become void of meaning, and callused. For i have had my cry and my scream, and when i look around, i only see wilderness. Yes, we all lie in the certain hope of possiblity, that things change, and it would only look like it could turn for the better.

Deliver us, God of all deliver us, they cried. What our age has seen, and perhaps no longer wishes to see, is an exodus from the promised land. The land of people, of friends, the land of truth and of trust, the land of God. They speak of mediocrity, and they speak of hurts...but what have been the real wounds? What have been the real lukewarmness? Words.

The same words that were used to express hope and salvation, are now used in tones of regret and apology. The same language spoken about realities and truth, have now become sheer flamboyance of achievements and knowledge. You need the blatant, painful truth? Words have become the masks for the masquerade we attend. And that masquerade sadly is what we call, community. Ideals? Yes, as it is only perceived. Words have power, as much as only a child's cry can be understood by a parent. The only language, where we acknowledge having together, if its the only thing we have together, is a remarkable sigh. Haiz.

We ask ourselves, is it really indifference that sparked off such resentment? No, it was words. It was what you and they said, that made us realise the existent indifference. Money, ambition, fun have taken the place of what God used to be over our conversations. While many used to talk, the banality of such talks mitigated the power of their words. So, we begin doubting the power of words. Words like 'friendship' and 'faith', words like 'community' and 'ideals' are sadly no longer remembered and at perhaps certain times, been the brunt of jokes as being oxymoronic.

Is this over? Is this our finale? Or is this as they say, the dying for new life to happen? There's a last chance, and a final trump card we can play. In fact, it is the only one we should have been playing. Love.

If we can love with an honesty and sincerity, we might have a chance.
If we ourselves seek, with a genuine heart, a means to inspire and live, we could make it.
If we can humble ourselves, and walk a faith, and preach a truth, and most importantly, do it together, we can probably work it out.
Conviction, it seems, has little tolerance for those who cant stand truth.
Is today going to be the day you say 'Carpe Diem'? (seize the day!)
Is this moment the chance you're going to live as life is granted, and to its fullest?
Will your life begin and end by inspirations? Or BEING inspirations?

The movie 'Million Dollar Baby' directed by Clint Eastwood, as a seemingly parallel from Stallone's "Rocky", sums up life in one sentence mentioned by Morgan Freeman's character, ' most people die, saying i did not get my shot. You gave Maggie hers.' Its our shot, and whether we have seized it and become the fullest expressions of God's glory...life to its abundance, they call it.

Shakespeare said, 'to be or not to be-that is the question' Are our lives going to be just a summation of events, or more? Marianne Williamson said,' while we conquer our fears, we unconsciouly allow others to conquer theirs'
There is a colour and a light we bring to our world. Whether it be mere grey, or an explosive mix of red blue green and yellow, lies within our grasp. Most importantly, whilst our lights extinguish, and night befalls us, we ask ourselves, how many more lights, have we helped lit?

I have expressed both hope and cynicism. In that sense, i have expressed neither. What i have really expressed, in the confusion that robs us of our ability to believe. To begin, is really to choose. You have your emails, on one hand. You have me and the little tinge of truth that i speak of, that you cant help but notice, on another. What is it going to be? There are 2 lines on such a spectrum,and as Einstein pointed out, ' see the world as if nothing's a miracle, or as if everything is.' The problem, simply, is choice. " -Marcus

Its an empty page, and i have the urge to pen something down.

Came out with a few proses and poems yesterday, but had too much considerations about them.

Yesterday's chat was good. As always, unsettling. "Dont let your painful experiences cause you to commit spiritual suicide," jude quoted from someone. GOtta keep that with me.

And yea, i received what i intepret as a lil affirmation about what i want to do... which is really nice, because i always feel so uncertain about how i will fare, and whether its somehting i should do.

Is every week going to be the same thing? I wonder. Thank God, A levels are over..i cant imagine having to go through this phase, whilst balancing the 'studying' and 'fitting in' acts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heard the question last night...and perhaps i would come out a person or scenario who may lie only in the realm of the fantasies..

A simple walk in the park, perhaps a 2-seater canoe, a trip to switzerland in winter's, a stroll along the airport runway watching people leave and arrive...
A shout to the sea, reading the same book on the couch, just chatting about nothing and everything...
Decorating the christmas tree, arguing about life's questions, synthesizing the violin with her piano, or harp or whatever...
A picnic with Brilliant, swimming or snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef..and most importantly,
the dance.

A dance on an empty dancefloor. Of course, whats dancing without alcohol. The chivas or the chiras... cheers and the music plays. was thinking of fast and lively, but nah... kills the mood. Slow, jazz?
Air supply-making love out of nothing at all,
Bread-everything i own,
Lionel Richie-Endless Love, Beauty and the Beast,
Mariah Carey- my all, open arms, without you...
Olivia Newton John- Hopelessly Devoted to you..
Stevie B- Because i love you..

A shower under the waterfall, a run in the rain...

Ok, im tired and perhaps exhausted all possible options haha other than perhaps bunjee jumping, parachuting, sailing and flying to the moon!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Am i more than my exoskeleton? "i am no more the face, than the muscles or the bones beneath them." -V
I will find it. I've got to.

Marcus
NUS
Human



link
link
link
link
link
link
link
link
link





January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011


layout: + +
fonts: +
brushes: + +
image: +