Long Distance
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
♥ Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Everything is in reverse. What for others is a rule, is for me the exception. Take a poll- couples would say they watch movies, go for meals, go to a park, walk etc once in two weeks on an average. I get to do that, and i think it is fair to say that i will get to do that, maybe about 4 times at most, in a year. So movies, meals, the hand holding,the cuddling, that is the exception.
On the other hand, what for others might be an exception, is for me a rule. Let us go back to that poll. Ask further and then perhaps as an afterthought, they will say "yeah we talk too". As if that is a given. It is not. The more you see, the less you say- pretty much the underlying theme of any sappy korean drama worth my aunty's viewing. But then again, that could very well be every single korean drama that is currently playing. The general storyline: Good wife, great husband but a marriage that cant hold the weight of misunderstandings. A ton of misunderstandings building up from things that could have been said.
So, I will tell you the one key essence of our relationship, we talk. We talk, and talk and talk. There is nothing else to do but talk, there is nothing else we want to do but talk. About feelings, about setbacks, about victories. About everything and nothing. About the future and the past. About the spiritual and the secular. About theology, and the body. We just talk.
Because going back to the Korean Dramas, there is something seriously wrong with that, dont you think? what could have been? Living life in the retrospective, in the imaginery "could have, should have, if only".Let me tell you something you already know. We only have the present to seize. What good is hindsight when you are only walking forward? What good is nostalgically reminiscing of how you are so close and yet so far apart? We are far apart, but together. There is distanced closeness. And if that is not romance, i really do not know what is.
And let me tell you something about romance: it is a hallmark of a thriving relationship. The general theory is that a relationship must go beyond feelings. First, lets not be simplistic- the theory does not mean that a relationship must get to a point where there are no feelings for the other. That is a non-relationship. It is indifference couched in many words. But if it means commitment and perseverance, i am all for it. Hey, it is a long-distance relationship, what else could it be if not commitment and perseverance?
Secondly, they say feelings come and feelings go- that is the basis of this theory. But that is precisely the point! If feelings can go, then surely they can come. Cultivate the atmosphere, it will. Now, when they always ask me "are there always so many things to talk about? so many lovely things to say?" Here is my simple reply.
It depends. Is your purpose to give a speech or to know a person? One is exhaustive another's not. One looks at how interesting you are, another looks at how interested you are. And i dont intend to be all deep and abstract here, but believe me, there is a huge difference between knowing about a person and knowing a person. One is asking for a resume, another is asking for a relationship. I asked for a relationship.
Of course there is a trade off in a long distance relationship. And the point of sharing with the elite few who read my blog, and the smaller number who are in relationships is this. Do consider a tiny attitude of gratitude, because what you experience everyday, I am going to only get a glimpse of, in about a month's time. So what i wouldnt give for what you currently take for granted. But also consider what you have traded off. There will always be, and i am not going to nag about that.
