Well, the starting part was definitely tough.:) considering how long its been since i was in camp. And started off with guard duty somemore! But thank God, there's angel Gabriel with me. So had quite a nice time as always.

Tues, went to catch Miami Vice with Lewis, Desmond, Wilson, Nathaniel, Gabriel and Nicholas Koh. As expected, action only as Michael Mann can deliver. Fantastic movie. Cool, stylish and sexy. The starting clubbing scene with 'Numb' by linkin park, sure got everyone psyched up. Jamie Foxx, as always, delivered phenomenal performances. Oh, i got tt movie free, cuz i bet with Gab on the results of singapore idol, and won. :)

Wed, first time since my army life, i had such a long nights off! Met Jacques, some church person, and some vj dudes.. But we wanted to go elsewhere instead, so had to wait till like 3am in the morning, before they let us in. And there...as much as i almost got myself beaten up, the music and people there were just fun. Desmond, Bunny, Johnson were all there, which made it an ultra warm kinda feeling. Anyway, after that, we went to angmokio for breakfast before booking in. I am telling you, have never been so shagged out in my whole life the way it was on thurs!

Thurs night, met up with jude, terence, sam, joshua, marie, janice and kenny. Thank God colin's ok. Otherwise i'd probably never be able to live with the spastic comments i hurled at him. Oh well... the chat was nice. Very thought provoking as it always is with jude. Seems like joshua and i are on the same path, under different circumstances. Though i dunno what his reasons exactly are..i'd guess by jude's comments, we kinda fall under the same categorial struggle. I left with a feeling that things just cant change...not for now at least.

Fri. 10km run. See, i always measure this kinda run, and the 'success' of it, with my relationship with God. It prob dont make sense the way i say it..but it is. So, htis kinda super tough stuff..i'll leave it up to God to handle. Well..i messed the run up la. And its also indicative that i havent been giving my life to God. I am in control until perhaps when i am too exhausted..and even whilst i am, i try clinging to my own abilities..until i lose it and start walking, thats when i mess up the run. Went for gd dinner with Shanker after.

Sat. Wow, tonnes of stuff. Met up with VJ ppl. Nice seeing those old faces, charmaine, reuben, cassandra, galvin, jinhui, han wei and gerard. Then, went with wilson and desmond tan for forbidden city. Ok must admit, the chlorepheniramine made me super drousy at the start..but i enjoyed it nevertheless. Pretty arty farty as compared to Mama Mia. Yet, i think my family enjoyed Mama Mia more, because of the familiar songs they performed.
Oh...and ended with this huge argument. About mum's bday party..and who my sister wanted to invite. As much as i may be unreasonable and irrational in my arguments, i was quite proud i put this assertively and clearly onthis one. Well, dont believe anyone got hurt. So its ok. I mean, after all..this kinda things happen. But on reflection, i am just glad i am a person who stand by wwhat i believe. There're perhaps more to uncover on me and other people's proximity...but well, i guess in time i will learn.

Wonder how's Evelyn man...kinda miss her. I do miss another person. But to tell the truth, i no longer want to... Jude kinda asked me why. Its between me and you.. and as much as it's been a great ride, i can only expect such things to go so far. Joshua and i perhaps differ in that sense. He gives hope to certain ppl, and ppl do him. I've to dig for hope. And thank God, i manage to find it... even if not in the old, in the new. Quite glad im not alone in that sense..

18 mins and 14 secs. Finally, hit the 18 min mark.

Forget yesterday's emotional flurry. Let's colour the world today.

Consider the aethetic value of nature, how each tiny seed has the potential to burst into life, how destiny's already encased beneath that quiet, serene, harmless shell.

Consider too, that the grandeur of the rainforest, of Yosemite Park (if i may cite an example of which i've experienced first hand), the orchard, right down to a patch of grass..came from something pretty similar in nature...small, docile, even questionable. So imagine, something all similar in essence, exploding into multiple variations that seems interwoven as one gigantic portrait.

The Sea. The movement of the tides, the unrelenting and courageous waves..began from one tiny ruckus among the oceans,which swelled beneath each other, to form a force that create the glacier effect of valleys. What are valleys? The signs that the ocean had passed by. The symbols of time, and the marvels of eternity.

The sea retreats, bringing back the sand it brought to shore. It retreats into oblivion. That oblivion is where earth and sky join, the magnificence of connection. For its at that similar connection, where the sun dictates night and day to men.

Men. Men who look at the skies for God, and the earth for harvest. Men who fear the guilt of night, and rejoice at the certainty of day. What is the sea to men? The sea is where Men experience themselves. It could be the sea life, it could even be the sea's organic ability to drive men's heart to truth: heroism, adventure, courage, faith, or it could be just the calm waters that men realises where his heart needs to be.

The heart. The core that pulsates with activity. The one and only thing men is made accountable for. His heart. What is the value of nature, or the wondrous creations of mountains , or the unpredictable, phenomenal weather, without the heart? Its the heart that gives life. And life, the heart gives to all. An infant recognizes a stranger as his mother, a child who begins understanding what it means to be a friend, a teenager with his first crush, an adult with his love, and a father with a family..that's heart. That's the pulse, the seed that begins similarly and ordinarily, but blooms to be that smiling sunflower.


Disillusionment, unmet expectations, wounds, betrayal, denial has made a world into a desert, no? A shoot that tries to rise out of the conventional, and explore its potentials eventually withers from the blazing critics, and the dehydrating loneliness. Eventually, what will men be? To survive the torment of the desert scourge? Cactuses. Hard, callused, thorny, cactuses. Yes, men will survive as they only know how to. But, is that survival? Is that even life?

Cactuses tell us one thing.See, their roots grow deep down to tap into one common water font. Perhaps, if men can go deep into themselves, they might see that we who began the same, are essentially similar too. It is our heart that presents to us the greatest oasis..the source of inspiration and aspiration, of courage and power, of beauty and intelligence, of hope and of love.

It is a gift really. Life. Its like as if choice was in fact a seed. With the potential to burst into such beauty, or to rain down such chaos. Fundamentally, its all the same..but that comes in the appearance of different situations and scenarios. The world is a combination of choices. Men's world is a combination of choices, which makes it remarkable, because everything lies in the realm of possibility! And all one needs to do is choose.

Our world is that platform. The platform for creation. God's annals of eternity begins with you planting your seed: would it be one that sprout hate, or anger? Or would it bring peace and faith.

From the highest heavens to the deepest depth of the oceans, there is one voice, one tune, one common overture that we all sing..and played by the divine intrument of love, that will resonate through the ages..that men many generations down will hear and marvel at.
You know it if you know what's sacrifice, you feel it when you perhaps read about terry fox, you see it in those who battle cancer, and you relish in it, when you an infant holding firmly to the thumb of his parent.
Thats the human spirit.
And by God, thats what colours the world.
18 mins 14 sec. I coloured my world today.

oh God, i so need to bitch. Be honest? About you and you. And you. Jeez man, i've got to stop.

I dont think its hard to be the good guy. I think its impossible. Thinking again and again about throwing in the towel. Hhaha, kinda like those 2 who did. 1's at sabbatical, another's i dunno.

Its so attractive, no? Why go in each day with the feeling of wanting 'out'? Why tie yourself with unnecessary burden and concern? Why, oh why, begin caring..when on reflection, you're pretty much an island? How did i become so angry? Doubt?

Well, to let my feelings be known, I am pissed. With you. Actually, not you. Them. Them for taking you from me. It was you and me, and them. Now, its you and them, and me. Sounds like a 13 year old identity problem? yea perhaps. Perhaps, i am not at my age, because i spent my growing up days dealing with 28 year old problems.

I told you, time and time again. How much it mattered? But no. You know what u did? You hid yourself behind 'busy lor'. Yes, brilliant.

You know whats a mirage? Its something you come to, only realise its actually quite some distance away. And...when you make that distance? You see it yet ahead! After some while, you begin asking yourself, am i ever gonna reach it? Probably..probably in eternity.

My ideals? Oh yeah. Of course. How could i ever forget. Yet, another mirage. So the only question is when I am gonna wake up, and stop thinking i will eventually make it. They are nice..oh God, its a rule to be nice there. And i want to be too! I want to help..oh i am dying to spread and listen and share. But, there's always a damn catch! The catch is, the person-in-charge gotta hear us first, we must settle the PR side, there are some people we cant talk to for political reasons. DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF?

I used to think of the destination. Now, i get bewildered just thinking about the 'how to get there'.

How did it turn to this, i wonder? What happened to the all-out-for-them me? Shit man, i see myself in the 3rd person and i feel kinda sorry for myself. But, snap outta it marcus. Its only a matter of time before you 'see the light'. Talking to Dexter 2 years back, have really took its toll on me man. But, i guess it is only a matter of time before i saw it like this.

Whats my problem? That my world has no more or little awe. That i constantly ask when am i ever gonna be living? Because if i havent been, i have actually been rotting. And thats a frightening thought. The problem with they, is that, whenever i am there..i feel i can live, but i havent. I am learning how to, but have yet do. I am given the ends..but not the means.
Ppl are telling me i am too cheem.. Am i not a voice also dying to be heard in this world of music and noise? Telling me i am too cheem does nothing. It only tells me, my voice they hear is indecipherable- they're deaf to my music and indifferent to my noise, all behind the guise of 'too cheem!'


Now, constance, if ur reading this, these are my reasons. Been penning it down even before we talked comm today. Glad i talked to ya abt it. And haha the 'mae' thing? you're never gonna hear the end of it.

Marcus, tts quite enough thank you.

I finished Colour of Law by Mark Giminez on130906. That'd be the day after i was back from California. Great debut, although i'd pretty much guess the counter-defense (and of course, feeling pretty smart about it! :)) I guess, you read a few Agatha Christie, you'd just about figured out all abstract murder stories. Anyway, the quick 'smart-ass' comments, are what makes the book palatable and hilarious. To tell the truth? It isnt as realistic as other legal novels..but well, it kept me going 3 days straight. Thats something.


Tony Buzan's Power of Verbal Intelligence(170906), is one of 3 books i shared with Brendon. Its quite an insiteful read..and focuses alot (almost too much i think) on the efficacies and power of mindmaps. Well, considering how i've been spending say 20 years on my own study methods? Suddenly introducing something like this, is really quite a blow. haha. No harm trying though.


Ok, when you see the cover of any Jodi Picoult books..you'll see this. 'Author of My Sister's Keeper and The Pact'. I already sang so much praises for My Sister's Keeper..I have little left for The Pact (210906). A suicide pact made between 2 childhood friends-turned-lovers drive 2 families tragically apart. And what lies between the truth, between the judging community, between a life lost and a life's freedom is...a lawyer. Marvelous isnt it? Of course, in every book that i read concerning these people, the authors somehow holds back on portraying them with a soul. Wanna know a lawyer joke? 'whats the similarity btw a sperm and a lawyer?' Answer: ' Both have one in a million chances of becoming human.'
Nevertheless, thumbs up, thumbs up to Jodi Picoult. Another 3 day read-when-i-can marathon.

"A ray of hope,
flickers through the sky..
A shining star,
lights up way up high.
And all across the land, dawns a brand new morn,
this comes to pass,
when a child is born."

So long since i did a lil commentary on movies.
As you might have guessed..the lil isnt exactly very little.:)

I have some fantastic movies to recommend. (and trust me on this, because i AM GOOD at it. its probably one of those few things i really really claim credit for.)

You're a teacher? like a small jolt of inspiration? Or probably a student..looking some hope amidst the failing exams..try this! Coach Carter, Akeelah and the Bee or Dangerous Minds. Carter's about basketball and lives inspired. Akeelah and the Bee probed me to find out Marianne Williamson's famous "our deepest fear" quote. (this quote was also found in Coach Carter) Dangerous Minds by Michelle Pfeiffer is a story of real-life teacher Louanne Johnson, and her ordeal with her students, and how she used literature to change them.


Need a mind-job? Those 'what the heck!' "silence of the lambs" kind of brain teasers..that make you feel you could be a genius.. try this! Devil's Advocate. Starring Al Pacino and wooden actor, Keanu Reeves. Reeves is fine, but the main catch is in Pacino's vehemence and belligerent charisma. He's Anthony hopkins without the brain-eating. As the movie climax at the end..watch out for the 'speeches of speeches' i call it. Certain scenes were very scary though.


A movie that inspires you about life and God? Well..2 movies come to mind instantly. Yes, there are many definitely. But not many tie in the songs, the acting, the actors as well as these 2. Forrest Gump and Phenomenon. Starring Tom Hanks in the first, and John Travolta in the latter. Story lines wise are superb- the lives of ordinary men, with the colour of wondrous circumstances.


Miss Bruce Willis? He's back in this action twister with a power cast of Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu and Josh Hartnett in Lucky Number Slevin. Its RA for the sex. Forget the sex. Enjoy the amazing twist and turns. Josh Hartnett's character was quite a flimsy one though. The real cool characters lie with Morgan Freeman and of course, Bruce Willis.


What's coming? Thats, in my opinion, a must watch?
1. United 93. Definitely moving, definitely heart wrenching
2. World Trade Towers. Sama sama. Only difference is there's Nicholas Cage this time
3. Miami Vice. If you loved Michael Mann's Collateral? you're bound to love it.
4. Deja Vu. Not too sure what it exactly is about. But jerry Bruckheimer with Denzel Washington is defintiely enough a reason!

Gabriel and I are buddies.
Team alpha, recce blah blah.
when you been through so much crap, you bond.

Last night, i bonded better with him then over all the field camps.
Now, i know he and i walked similar paths.
1 segment of our histories,
1 tiny little messup
1 ill-fated attempt to attain what we wanted..
made our lives a journey a parallel..
and seemed like God planned this so well.

like sand in the hand,
the tighter your hold...
the less you actually have.
we used to have our sand in the hand..
now they are just thoughts that exist in the reality we both call dreamland.


We talked faith, we talked God
We talked friends, we talked character..
Life in microcosm they say,
was revealed in one chat yesterday.


His wisdom taught me something pretty hard to accept.
Though i know its probably God's perfect concept.
To let go and to live.
To walk away and to breathe.
Like the angel sent from heaven,
Gabriel was the friend God chose.
"Beautiful"I can imagine, was what God would think..
of our chat over macdonald's and some drink.


I came back home, and i saw your message.
Your message that said you would remain an incomprehensible fog, and an impenetrable haze.
For the sad friendship i accidentally set ablaze.
But i remember Gabriel's phrase and the wisdom that transpired.
I know now, why i am writing this..
how i got so inspired.


Inspiration it is, or inspiration they say..
could be just one emotional sway.
But i must pen it down, or i would lose the thought,
and the language of wonder, and the art in words would be soon forgot.
Thank you Gabriel and thank you God.
whom i couldnt have done this without.





"such a lovely place,
such a love place...

you can check out anytime you like,
but you can never leave."


Golden Gate Bridge. Remember Xmen3? Tts the one.

Think its about 2 miles long, that be roughly 3 plus km. Its one of those places that say,"you havent been here, you havent been to san francisco."


You know all those inspirational "God-pictures"?
well, these are some of them.
Its not very different, i'd reckon.
But to be there, experience it with the cool breeze at 6000ft above sea level...




This is at Yosemite Park, some nature reserve.
Cant exactly remmeber the name of this waterfall...but it sure is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l.

"over the mountains and the seas,
your river runs with love for me..."





This trip was approx 10 days. Figured it was just perfect la. Considering how long it's been since i saw my dad.

You know, i wanted to take some time off, away from everyone and everything. ( somehow i tend to need tt alot) Well, funny thing is God still 'forces' his way back in. See, we were in a car, and outta cds to hear along the way. 91.1FM. Thats the christian channel. So somehow, i still became 'christ-conscious'. 1 thing i realised, my life really cant do without Him, however insolent or indifferent or rebellious i am. Without Him, i am at complete unrest.

(click on the photos to see a clearer pic of wad im talking abt!)




"Such a lovely place,
such a lovely place...

You can check out anytime you like...
but you can never leave."

Dad, Jie and I.

Lets begin with the eating.
We simply ate...
ate....
ate.... and ate. Other than, Mexican, Spanish, El Savadorian, Russian & Japanese... we pretty much had a taste of everything.

To the Singaporean, the prices are un-imaginably exhorbitant. And that is even BEFORE the exchange rate. However, the sizes are proportionally enormous. So we usually settled for 2 dishes, whilst the 3 of us feasted to heart's content.

Amongst the food, i'd say the indian food topped the charts. There was this concoction of curry with cheese (think its called masarella or smth, shireen help me out here!) and u dipped the "naan" (a completely oil-free roti prata), giving you a completely new definition to the word "delicious". Haha, Marcus the food critic.

At Fisherman's Wharf, we had (naturally) sea food. Fresh as can be. (Top right hand photo)

And my personal favourite. Thai food. Now the delicacy in the thai restaurant wasnt exactly the food...if u know wad i mean. :)

Jane Doe, the thai waitress, who also happened to be our "MISS GORGEOUS". The people here are generally very amiable and helpful, which warms up the super chilly temperature.

And of course, the burgers. U htink Carl's Junior burgers are big? These burgers at some Mobil Food-stop make carl's Junior's look like marbles.

Ok, it does explain the 1 in4 obese people we'd seen.

Note: to save $, we stinged on the servings, and on the meals. So, all the pics here are either lunch meals or dinner meals. Breakfast was a meagre peanut butter and bread..

I saw today how they treated the blue people. Without an arrest or search warrent, they entered their homes, the police beat up their family and created a mess out of their houses.

We were told to be careful of the blue people- you'll never know when they can strike. History had too many accounts of certain blue people trying to sabotage and cause havoc in the cities. Now, we learn in schools never to mix with them. Blue people were manipulative, calculating and had no sense of loyalty to their country. They must at all times, be under severe scrutiny.

The blue people were given minimal rights. They couldnt vote, couldnt be a part of the government, couldnt hold high rankings in the army and their pays were made such that they were below the average population.

There used to be a protest once. They called that day, 'the red monday'. The police and army was activated to 'eradicate' them. What began as a peaceful protest, ended with too much bloodshed. All the blue people wanted to say was, 'We need more food.'

Are they really all that different? We used to get along- the same jobs, the same houses. Now, the blue people were confined to one small area. Their population was monitored: each household was only entitled to having one child. No schools, only hard labour.

We always asked why. They convinced us that the blue people were a dangerous people. The blue people used to be learned, successful, vibrant. However, they used all those to create anarchy in countries. Because of them, mindless wars were fought and too many lives were wasted on their account. They said, it is only for the best. The only way we can experience our peace is if these people were 'put away'.

How they put the blue people away was very systematic. First, they gathered all the blue people at what they call 'the blue square'. Many blue people assembled. Then, they gathered all those who were learned: had the education of 5th grade and above. They told these blue people there was a ship waiting for them. I do not know if it is true. All i know, is that no one has heard of them since. Those who were left behind, were asked to return all possessions to the state. The state was to re-issue a new form of currency-the 'blue note'. Whoever was found with a firearm, or knife, or any instrument able to cause grevious harm, was instantly shot. That day, about twenty people perished for not surrendering some household items.

When i was young i used to think it was cruel. Now i do not think so. i have stopped feeling sorry for the blue people. Today, a stray dog is no different from a blue person. We laugh at them, we vent our frustrations at them and we create cruel jokes to spite them. I talked to a blue person once. His name was Tommy. For a moment there, i actually found him nice. Moments later, he was just another blue person.

It is not just us. Everyone hates the blue people. They said they believe in the wrong things, they said the blue people were inherently evil. They said it wasnt the fault of a handful of blue people, it was the 'blue' that make it all wrong. When you were blue, you learned wrong things, you made the wrong friends, you became the wrong person.



---------------------------------------un-finished-------------------------------------

Neither do i need to. What is presented here, is the negative utopia of what the world may turn out to be. WW2's Hitler and his idiosyncratic Holocaust was my rough guide for this vision. Then, there's Rwanda...there's Egypt and its anti gay movements. I merely extrapolated it to a modern day context.

Sad? Morose.

Marcus
NUS
Human



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