Sunday, November 19, 2006
♥ Sunday, November 19, 2006
Youtube Rocks!
I just watched some clips - go check them out! There's a september 11 tribute by Enya, there's Jaci Velasquez's music video of ' On my knees', both of which are poignant, and the sept 11 one is pretty heart wrenching.
Also, if you type in 'philosophy', there's one about life and death. Thats whimsical and quite thought provoking. Also, there's 'making love out of nothing at all' by air supply and Coach Carter's monologue on 'Our Deepest Fear' speech.
I love this new quote! Its by Parole de Femme which means 'Woman's word'
'i said to my sister, or she said to me, come over. Shall we play laughter? We stretched out side by side on a bed and began. By pretending, of course. Forced laughter. Laughable laughter. Laughter so laughable it made us laugh. Then it came, real laughter, total laughter taking us into its immense tides.
Burst of repeated , rushing, unleashed laughter...and we laugh our laughter to the infinity of laughter. O laughter! Laughter of sensual pleasure, sensual pleasure of laughter; to laugh is to live profoundly.'
Sounds cheem and wise and hilarious all at once. I dunno why but as much as i have difficulties completely devouring Kundera's books, im still constantly addicted to reading them. He's just so damn brilliant and makes so much relevance.
Another tiny attempt at poetry. Haha..wanted to do one from some time back, but took me almost an hour to get inspired.
Its a square with a ceiling and a floor.
There's no one but me and the front door.
I put me here, with my whys and my whats.
A question's bewilderment becomes a soul's entrapment.
There's a window.
They call it opportunity.
I call it community.
Its a daunting task to look at the picturesque view outside,
when i've become used to the darkness inside.
What are the shackles and chains?
Its the metal fear and cold steel of human stains.
So tell me when will i see the light?
When its so hard to tell the difference between day and night.
But a soul's cage has a weak foundation.
All one needs is a sincere cry for liberation.
The bars of anger and unforgiveness,
will melt with the heat of passion and graciousness.
It is a splendid world, no?
An enormous planet made tiny by a love that glows
Its in their smiles, its in their eyes;
A toothless grin, a hearty laugh,
its a joy that walks into a stanger's heart.
How did we become so stupid, really?
To shun love's creativity?
Friend and family, earth and sea,
songs and the literary..
Those were all love's creativity.
Love is colourful, we made it grey.
With all the questions that ultimately threw what was important, away.
So what is important, the question goes.
Perhaps not as important as WHO, is what we must know.
Yet, when we answer with a me and my,
we've lost the real reason why.
Why oh why did Jesus die..
Just so that we can live according to the me-s and my-s?
A perspective on the world,
thats who philosophers say we are
So make it a spectacular perspective,
is the plan.
The plan to make love, expand.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
♥ Saturday, November 18, 2006
Was approached by Joel and Justin today. Haha two 'J's, Jesus's a J too!
Ok anyway, they mentioned a retreat coming up. Guess what? They want me to be a speaker. Now, if i was to speak about philosophy, maybe theology(am i way past myself? haha) or just a simple sharing on whats like living christian, i would define it hard but a challenge and an exciting one.
Guess what? They wanted me to talk community.
I mean I am honoured, and in a certain sense anxious to embark on this little project. But it feels so...weird. Pray about it..yea yea.
Few things to pen down.
3 books i finished. Finally.
1) John Paul the Great by Peggy Noonan.
Inspiring and at certain times quite poignant and illuminating. Well, its a biography, and so that urged me to actually read one of his actual works.
2) Crossing the Threshold of Hope by John Paul 2.
Its an interview, where the Pope pens down his thoughts and sends them back to the interviewer. In it, he discusses philosophy, eastern communism..and what touched me the most (as much as i can only remember a glimpse) was his heart to the youths.
He mentioned that the youths withold the potential to make and change this world, to establish the kingdom of God here on earth.
He compared the different religions, of the truths they speak but the remarkable differences that Catholicism offers.
Brilliant thinker- i loved the way he expressed philosophy in the terms of a platform of thought, or frame of reference.
3) Memoirs of Lee Kuan Yew by Lee Kuan Yew
I've got to hand it to the guy. His genius really left a lasting mark on anyone fortunate enough to experience either his leadership, his charisma or his confrontations. David Marshall suffered first hand his invective use of English.
Almost every chapter would contain a 'cheem' new english word. So, great for increasing my vocab. haha.
And guess what? He got his inspirations of a political structure and voting from the Vatican! Lee figured that the vatican, having survived for 2000 years, has got to have a system worth learning from. Maybe one day we'll revert to theocracy.
I learnt something philosophical. I hope i can share it in a way lucid enough to realise the remarkable importance of this learning.
Well, i followed my dad to the driving range (golf), and tried hitting a few balls.
Now, what i learnt is that you have to do the test swing first (the ball is not placed on the mat yet). After a few test swings, on being confident with the imaginery ball, you place the real golf ball on the mat and try hitting it.
Now, whats interesting is that, the test swing is remarkably smoother and its technique more correct than with the ball there. For a person who doesnt play, it is hard to illustrate.
Question-its the same mat, the same swing just with no ball- what makes the presence of a real ball so distinctively different from that of an imaginery one? Because i know that if i can find the bridge between the imaginery and the real, the test swing will be as good as the real one.
What are the implications? I seriously dunno. But it does make you ponder doesnt it.
Aside from what is real and what is imaginery, our reactions to the real and imaginery are often different. When the ball isnt there, I know it isnt there and therefore i swing as if there is no ball.
When the ball is there, i know it is there and swing differently, resulting in a 'top'.
Yes, occasionally, when i am unconscious and just focused on the technicalities, i deliver a good shot. So, 2 conditions for bridging the real and the imaginery-unconscious, technicalities.
What does that tell me about life?
That life's technicalities and 'motions' are our unconscious allowing us to experience the real within the imaginery. And perhaps, in a certain way, make the imaginery (not as in sheer imagination, but things we only think of) real!
The Mass for example. Maybe, when we're into the technicalities of what to do during Mass and do it so subservient and unconsciously, that occasionally we get an inhalation of a spiritual freedom and ecstasy. Im sure you've had it.
So question, how do you bridge the gap of the literal body of christ with that piece of wafer? Whats the logical explanation for that body of christ to be that wafer? Does it make any sense to you that perhaps when we're unconscious and just receive it anyway, that real and imaginery is pieced together in the mystery of faith! I think i make sense.
Dont get me wrong when i say get into the technicalities. I do not mean askign why we do certain things. On the contrary i am saying: go through the motion as it was meant to be, and the body's spiritual tendency is to attain the wisdom that understands the need for such certain actions.
Well...3 days to Aus. Gotta beef up my prayer life.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
♥ Thursday, November 09, 2006
Amazing!Well, here the story goes.
Gg Australia. And as much as i dreaded it initially..i got to terms with it with the little consolation i thought God was giving me. My best buddy Gabriel! After gone thru so much crap with him, really glad that he was the one gg. In fact, i was so fine with him going, that i actually volunteered.
Well..guess what! LO AND BEHOLD. Gabriel just had to bust his knee before gg on the hk trip...and the australia trip. And i hope he doesnt see this post! But...wah i got a pretty difficult guy as my australia teammate man. Which was by far pretty depressing.
So, i thought, argh just deal with it Marcus..
Well..i thought perhaps i should talk about it. So, I began what turned out to be a
4.5hr talk with one of my platoon mates. Now, as much as we were in the same army cell grp, i guess we never ever got close. But, talking for that long..haha with all the wonderful and stupid jokes we cracked (ok la, some of which not good ah..) really perked me up man. It was hilarious and meaningful.
What did we chat about? Well..about family, about this platoon mate of ours (which was the bulk of hilarity) and how we dealt with his unique but often irritating behaviour. So yes, its true, it was quite a bitching session. And perhaps that had shed some light on why girls enjoy it so much...we do so too! haha.
But it was liberating. Been quite down for the past few days over the vicissitude in events. I guess God really allowed some ppl in huh.. Over our little conversation, that i must say surpassed many many army church cell meetings in terms of quality, sharing, bonding. It was a time of warmth that i just know for a fact that years down we'll remark at this particular day and burst out laughing.
So, what did i learn? Hau Tzeng said..'Gabriel had to go through so much for you to go Australia with him, so better use the time wisely!' Yeah..thats true, and perhaps Aus may be a realy gd time of journeying. Who knows.
And well, we learnt 2 new words ! 'Fulminate' and 'Ubiquitious'. Fulminate means protesting strongly and bitterly. Ubiquitous means everywhere. We learnt it when Nat happily took up my dictionary and decided to join in the remaining 2.5 hr conversation.
So stop fulminating ubiquitously Marcus! haha.
Life in camp. Just got to get it down on the blog man.
And this song. Thanks Terence who gave it to me think abt 2 years ago. Its lyrics resonate and like the arrow of cupid haha..always end up feeling alot more loved. It constantly slaps me back into focus-to what matters and what dont. Martina Mcbride's
God's Will. Thanks Terence again.
I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
It hid the braces on his legs at first
His smile was as bright as the August sun
When he looked at me
As he struggled down the driveway, it almost made me hurt
Will don't walk too good
Will don't talk too good
He won't do the things that the other kids do,In our neighborhood
[Chorus:]
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost & lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was untilI knew God's Will
Will's mom had to work two jobs
We'd watch him when she had to work late
And we'd all laugh like I hadn't laughed
Since I don't know when
Hey Jude was his favorite song
At dinner he'd ask to pray
And then he'd pray for everybody in the world but him
Before they moved to California
His mother said, they didn't think he'd live
And she said each day that I have him, well it's just another gift
And I never got to tell her, that the boy
Showed me the truthI
n crayon red, on notebook paper, he'd written
Me and God love you
I've been searchin', prayin', wounded, jaded
I guess I would be still
Yeah that was until...I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
♥ Tuesday, November 07, 2006
i am running outta time to do a decent post. And i am hungering to do one!
Slowly, but assuringly, i am beginning to understand the tenacity, shrewdness and intellectual stamina needed to walk a life bearing the cross.
Whilst i was in Vj, i realised i drift too often to a fantastic dreamland of faith: my hiding comfort and my bombshelter from the tonnes of challenges that were paved in front of me. That was why it was such a struggle to go to school. I never considered facing such obstacles head on...classmates, friends, studies alike. I lost all of them to a false understanding of living Chrisian.
Of course, living life to the fullest means more than just decent analytical behaviour, it requires a heart: of self-sacrifice and service. And naturally, life presents you with pains, emptiness and loneliness all on its own. The question is do we run, or do we stand up to it.
I had a good chat with God yesterday. As usual, I was the one doing all the talking..which kinda ends up to be complaining. But i can see myself maturing a way no other being other than God would have allowed- to deal with issues that are present, to face up to challenges and dare to brave the storms He feels we should.
Thats why today's word is 'authentic'. A faith like gold that can withstand the fire of doubt, the scalding isolation and the blistering cynicism. Our unique individuality is no longer marked by age- it is marked by what we do.
So what must i face?
1) A friend.. Its tough and at this point in time it seems impossibly difficult, as the past is as irrevocable as how fresh it is in my memory. But before that..i must break through my..
2) Cynicism. A result of thinking too much and striving to intellectually outdo. Many many times, its this cynicism that leaves me guarded, and a sense of invulnerability that i sheepishly enjoy. Its unhealthy la..
3) Interpersonal relationships and communication. I loathe uncomfortable silences and yet its just stupid to yak abt nonsense. So the key question is how to develop issues thats pertinent to the other and interest both me and him/her. Also, this inability to speak in a grp-end up blabbering! Courage!
Are all these indicative of my relationship with God?
But its always heartwarming to know that i am making slow progess. Not much of a breakthrough, albeit really affirming, occasional triumphs.
Im suddenly confronted by a daunting task in ministry in my army cell. I mean, its quite simple to state opinions and sharings, but i realise that i have so much difficulty talking about church, and yes, community..that it throws my direction off. Its distracting and demoralising. Talking about God on one hand..and brining the idea to a non believer have never been quite so hard.
But, got to try.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
♥ Sunday, November 05, 2006
Imagining Worship.Was just imagining conducting my own worship. Haha..but lets see. If i had an hour or so to plan just a session of p and w, what would i do...( the audience is a crowd eager to know God, or am looking for an experience, or some very very bored people enslaved by the daily routine of coming for this kinda stuff..basically a mix)
'who do people say i am?' Jesus asked. 'Some say you're the prophet Elijah..some say...'
'But YOU. who do YOU say i am?'
Then i'll begin with the simple chant/praise i learnt from my sis' church-
'Lord i want to know you, in my heart there is a fire. Each morning that i wake up, its you that i desire..just to feel your heartbeat is all that i long for; oh lord i wanna know u more.'
On the screen, will be a scene of a waterfall against a setting sun. Its dim and you are spaced out-the spacing is done intricately (close enough not to feel isolated, but far enough to be in intimate connection with Him).
I'll begin a short praise, and invite you to offer a short line of thanks to God. What are the things to thank God for? Everything..the day? the people?
If you're uncomfortable, you shouldnt be. There are many around you already voicing out in worship their own prayers of thanksgiving. They create a certain 'atmosphere' that reels you in. Its a little scary, a little exciting, a little fascinating but alot emotional.
All of a sudden, you hear'How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God. All will sing how great, how great is our God...' You know this song,'How Great is our God'
And even if you dont, it is easy and quite repetitive, so you'll begin singing. Before you know it, you are telling God how great He is.
You are still feeling slightly self conscious. You are looking around and it still feels weird. 'Jesus asks you to let go, to not bother about the person on the left or on the right but to just be with Him.' In the background the song 'Complete' is being played. ' i look to you lord, your love that never ends..restores me again. ... In your strength i will break through lord.' You begin singing and letting go. ' Through the storm i will hold on lord, and by faith i will walk on lord..and i'll see beyond my calvary one day, and i will be complete in you.'
As the chorus is played 'so i lift my eyes to you lord..touch me now let your love fall down on me', you recall the day, that unkind remark, and that insensitive shrug, that unappreciation. You've fallen out with a friend, or perhaps you've just felt lonely. You've felt restless and guilty. All this wells up and you frown you wonder why..and you begin talking to Jesus.
'And Jesus says ' whoever drinks from this well will thirst again. But the water that i shall give...will be like a spring gushing forth from within, and he will never thirst again.' And on the screen, a scene from the Passion of Christ plays..'the soldier pierces the side of Jesus, and as Jesus' blood falls on the soldier's eyes, the soldier knelt.'
'i look to you lord, your love that never ends..restores me again...' And the chorus of 'complete' plays again. You have experienced something but you cant voice it out. That was peace-for a long long time you havent felt it, and this time it felt so alien that you couldnt recognise. The song slows..it becomes just running chords, sheer instrumental. It stops.
Enya's song would play..as the lyrics would show on the screen with the background of a concrete pathway in a certain garden. 'Who can say where the road goes, where the day goes, only time.' The slides of a lost, disenchantment, disillusioned world plays...but the scene changes! From a war torn country, to a war torn country with people hugging and comforting each other. From a 9-11 scene, to a 9-11 scene with the firemen digging, and the people praying.
From a child lost and lonely, to children in the arms of a nun.
& then...mel Gibson's Passion of the christ..Jesus's walk to calvary.
The song 'Nails in Your Hands' is played.
'The thorns on your brow..they tell me how, you bore so much shame to love me..'
You wince at the sight of the gory wounds. You ask and answer at the same time- how and why did those wounds happen. You look around and see how others are reacting-some are stoic, some look away and you recognise its a look of guilt, another is tearing, another is just like you..looking around to either distract yourself or to validate your own emotions.
The scene calms as the light slowly brighten. 'This concludes today's session of prayer. You brought back something today-all of you. You came to understand, and if you already understood, you came to be reminded what the love of Christ is. Sacrificial. 'There is no greater love than for a person to give his life for a friend' Jesus said. He also said,' I call YOU friends...''
You walk off. Behind you, is a picture...
Friday, November 03, 2006
♥ Friday, November 03, 2006
He looked in wonder. Or was that look a look of puzzlement?
What he wondered, we all did- who are those eyes that look awfully familiar? 'She is speaking words that i can never understand. But i do know what she is talking about. Its that smile..that smile that they always give me when they see me. But why?'
He looked around. Everyone seemed so old. Sometimes there would be loud noises and the people would not be smiling. Its another expression-its anger he thinks. Sometimes, it will get bad. There will be water in her eyes. What makes that happen?
'I think its a sad thing when people grow old. They think and they talk. But they dont look happy. They dont understand what is it like to be young anymore. They look so...whats the word? Restless. Yes, thats the new word i learnt in class. Its when you dont have something you need. Something like irritated, or unhappy. My english is not good. I should do something about it.
But when they look at me..i see something. Something i dont see when they look at each other.
Maybe its because they like me- but it is a nice feeling. Do people give each other that feeling?
Today i heard 2 old people talking on the train. They are not old like they have white hair. But they just talk so old.
They said these words 'choices', 'life', 'God', and ask many questions. Who and why. They sound very smart but they look...restless(yay i used new word again!). I think they
dont understand too many things. They know alot, alot alot more than small me. But, i think they dont know how to be happy anymore.
Its so easy to be happy. When they carry me and hug me, i am happy.
When they say they love me, i dont know what is love, but i like it, because it comes with a smile that makes me smile, and i am happy.
There's also something special that they do that make me happy. I dont know why.
They will put their palms together, and start saying some words i cannot remember. They will look up, at this person on this two big pieces of wood. It looks painful. But i dunno why, what they say make me happy.'
He looked around..everything looked new.
To
Alvin, Myself and to the millions who are out there facing whatever we are. Its the child in us, who holds all power to grant us the peace we seek. See thru their eyes.
