Community
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
♥ Tuesday, January 31, 2006
There are feelings tonight. Maybe its the talk with Daryl over a drink at Ban Heng, maybe its the comment i received on my blog, maybe its the booking in tomorrow. Whatever it is, i am going to address my flurry of emotions concerning community.
Nowadays, when i address this issue of community, sometimes i find it hard to verbalize the term, "my" in community. haha, maybe now is one of those moments when we feel abstract to ourselves. Where the words make sense, but we arent really able to understand where we stand in the meaning of those words. Abstract.
ok, hmm. abt community? Well, gotta be truthful. Relationships with ppl around me have become important. And with my current army obligations, it has become glaringly important: i have become aware that the "waves of change and chance" can sweep the very people i hold dear away from me. Is that paranoia? Or is that in fact, a deep realization into the appreciation of each person around me? At this point in time, haha, i like to believe its the latter. And if we'd perceive this as "Kingdom Building", i guess i am pretty passionate about it! I guess the issue is that, community has yet to enter that list of a "relationship that matter". Now, what a scandal that kinda statement is huh? Dont get me wrong. I am not disillusioned, cynical or proud. Or at least at this point in time i think im not. And There are people in there, who have walked with me, and whom i hold dear to. BUt when its to community, things become more grey.
What is community? A place to live and grow in faith. (Man, these answers are coming up so fast i wonder whether i believe them)
Who makes up community? Me. Me and You. Wait, thats wrong. Its Jesus. Jesus calls me and you into community.
How we go about making community? Sharing of lives, praying together.
Why sharing and praying? So we know each other, and we know God, and we get to be with one another and God.
What is community for? TO build the kingdom of GOd.
What is the kingdom of God? Peace, love and joy.
Why Me? Because Jesus said, "go baptize the nations.." We also follow the footsteps of the apostles to bring the message of Jesus to people, to be the hand and legs and mouth of God.
okok, probably on doing more of this little question-asking, i might fan whats left of that flame i have :)
Hmm..i think without hesitation, i can say, i love God. And im trying to love HIm more. But...there's always a but to it. BUT i have problems loving HIs Church. I find it hard to walk into the lives of some strangers, and letting them be close through the ardous task of journeying, only to book back into camp asking myself whether i have loved the people who love me so much. Namely, my family, Val and Evelyn. And so what grants me my answer? Time! The time i spend with my brother, over movies, or chit-chatting; or with my sister, following her to church and talking to her on the endless stuff we can talk about; or with Evelyn in our damn fun hangouts; or Val in our very often deep conversations- its TIME that lets me overlap my life with theirs. ANd its TIME that let me tell them what they mean to me. But you see, i just dont have that now do i? Army leaves me in such a predicament i can only make do with what i have. So i guess MSC is picking up its vibrancy, which involves that kinda commitment i have MAJOR issues making.
i think when we talk about community, we inevitably have to reveal tonnes about ourselves..i guess in a bid to be accountable too la. But with i have shown, on reading my own blog, i dont really see change. Haha, if anything, it'd be the time i spend with MSC. But on what im looking for, on how i have gone about looking for that, its pretty much the same isnt it? I look for God. ( i always were). I find it through ppl.( it used to be community, & prob my marist friends). So we grow up, yes. But somehow, our desires stay rooted to the trapped portions of our souls, longing to be shepherded and guided out into the vast plains of love. And at this current point in time, the shepherd of my soul, is showing me that my relationships will point me into that direction. haha, all i ask for, is not really understanding, but acceptance. Accept my situation for the torn person i am. Accept it for its inevitability, and accept it for its (hopefully) passing phase.
Community, is i guess, my abstraction to me- Where it make sense to be, but i cant see the meaning of me being in it. Not at this point in time. But im glad. Cause im seeing what has to be seen, and am dealing with it the way my faith allows me to. Whatever it is, we'll keep in prayer together.
Wow, didnt know that much thoughts could come out from this. Somehow sounds more like an email. :)
