2 Days
Sunday, February 12, 2006
♥ Sunday, February 12, 2006
Somehow, i think i should be an author- i go into the technicalities of my blog's title, how i should start, what inspiration drives me to what theme etc etc etc. :)
Friday(100206) Went for a swim with Val, met up with a few of them for dinner, met this new guy called Fang Long, visited Singapore's hotspots, had a late night. Satuday (110206), watched Rocky,went for a run, went to Daryl's place for bai nian, Marist meetup, and watched Constant Gardener with my sister & brother- 1st movie i ever dozed off (momentarily, only ah!) whilst watching in a theatre.
Marists. Tonight's meeting up had a pretty ardous history. But it sure turned out alright didnt it? A good 15 of us showed up, all talking about army, all reliving the fruits of a journey walked together. It was rough, especially the organizing phases. And it seriously piss me off when ppl ask 'who's going'. Somehow, it irritates me that a 6 year friendship ' clause' isnt good enough a reason to actually meetup, out of the sake of even just meeting up. But, the gathering happened, and it was a moment we brought back as 'colour' to this weekend right?
Talking with Samson is nice. Somehow i am always challenged to have tt kinda lucidity about life, choices and convictions tt he has. I think among so many of them, Samson's the few i get to dwell deeper with. Had me thinking too. I realised I am so fickle. Perhaps its the fear of making a wrong choice, maybe its because i never grew outta the fact i lived my life without real purpose, perhaps its the gravity of each choice that i have to make, maybe its the lack of maturity, maybe its because i question too much. Whatever the "maybes" or "perhaps", it is a kinda stifle to making decisions- evidently in what course i wanna take in NUS, and my relationship. Hard as I fight it, i know it is a nature that i have only become too familiar of. So, for now, its chem engine. When the tide goes up, it might be aerospace or law; when its down, i think i'll keep it as chem engine. What are my considerations, really? To make happy money. Happy, then money.
Realised that i have issues reconciling. Somehow, i think the problem lies with the fact that i went through a period of my life with this person. And in that time, i lost myself, in a way that can only be described as 'spiritual'. But it was all wrong. So this 'exchange', became a sad loss of self. And its that 'self' that i have yet to retrieve. Simply, putting, i have to make peace with myself ( to piece myself). Hmm, i htink the books have taken this profound impact on me: though i cant make complete sense out of the stuff i read, its analogous similarity to my life have allowed me to make certain conclusions that i can only feel is right saying, and yet not fully understand why or how it is right. So, am still praying. Its in desperation that prayer brings God from the knowledge realm, into the physical realm. He holds my hand, ever more tightly, when i suffocate under the weight of my cross. You're there, always.
2 days.
