Child at Church
Thursday, May 18, 2006
♥ Thursday, May 18, 2006
I walked into the church. And i see Jesus, or at least thats what my mum said.
He's hanging on some cross, they call it a crucifix i think. A few days back, i read that it was some betrayal, some awful thing that happened, He said He was God, and they din like Him for it, and thats what they do to people who makes such remarks that many other people dont want to believe.
Suddenly, there is some music playing. There is some kind of a procession, and then my brother tells me that the person all the way at the back, is the priest. What or who is that? I think everyone in the pews are asking that the way i do.
There's some muttering across the microphone system. I think, the priest ends this muttering with 'Amen'. And all the people say it with him. I think it functions like how a fullstop in a sentence does. Well, what do i know. It all feels somewhat familiar and new at the same time.
Wait, there's something interesting. Somehow everyone recites this ultra long passage together. It starts with' i confess to almighty God.." and people starts beating their breasts, and it ends when the priests say something and everybody goes "Amen" again. Why do they do that? i'd think its to tell God how sorry we are. And we do that together because? I mean, can i just tell God i am sorry? Must i 'chant' it together with everybody else? Yet, somehow saying it together with people feels nice. Its like singing together with my friends, its definitely different from singing by myself.
Few people start reading passages that I dont quite understand. There's this person Moses, and he met God in some mountain. Man, wont that be a sight? He has been given a job to do. Something that involves miracles and wonders, and he doesnt feel he can do it because he's only one man.
Then this other guy comes to this stage to read. Its all very confusing. This letter, by that person about this other person called 'God' or 'Jesus', and there's is alot of this word 'love'. It feels like there is a message behind this message. But i feel, maybe only a tiny fraction of the people there can see that message behind the message the person read. I do not know this 'inside' message. I only feel there is one. I could be wrong.
Hey, we start standing and singing and repeating this word 'Alleluia'. Feels so lively. The priest comes to the place where the other people reading other things stood. And then this 'Jesus' is mentioned again. I think Jesus must have been some big guy in those times. He is always saying things, that some people listen and some people dont. And those who dont, dont like him for that. The priest says God is like a shepherd, He will not forsake us. I look around. People arent really listening. Its quite sweet of God to be somehting like that. Hey, if i was God, i would care about something my own size. But no one really listens. I find that quite hard to understand. i think, its because they hear it so many times, they no longer want to listen. Or, it could be, they just never wanted to hear it in the first place. i dont know.
It goes on with another passage people memorised. "i believe in the Holy Catholic Church.." The word catholic means universal. But this is weird. Why is the 'C' in "Catholic" a capital letter? I don think if they said 'universal church' they would use a capital "U" for that. Well, what i know is that there was a case in that book about God, where Jesus is sometimes called the "Son of Man" and on other occasions, he is called " Son of man". So, this when does "M" in "Man" becomes a capital letter? I think like previously, there is a message behing this message as well. Well, i am just guessing. I dont really think people care.
Then, we stand, and sit and give money, and then we stand and then we kneel, and then the priest shows this white coloured circle thing, and says this is the "my body". I look around. I thought people should look happier. Then i decided to focus on this white circle. Before long, the priest raises this shining cup and says that is 'my blood". I read about this before. Its some time just before Jesus died. He met with some of his friends and He said this. I read somewhere else, that some people couldnt agree whether this blood was real blood and this body, real body and then somehow there were wars fought because of this. And in wars there are blood spilled and people dying. i find that stupid. If i was God, and if God was a shepherd, and so if i was a shepherd, i wouldnt like the idea of my sheep fighting, for any reason!
We sing. And we hold hands. I think this might be what i want, if i were God. Everyone holding hands. After that, we hug each other and say " peace be with you". i do not understand, but i say it anyway. I think people might understand "peace". Thats why they come to church, thats why they go ahead and take that white circle, thats why they hug, and thats why they hold hands.
About one hour passes, and we sing the last song. Its called the final hymn i remember. People walk out of church. I see my mum kneeling down, and i follow her. I do not know what to do. So i just tell God. "God, i feel happy today." And i feel, somewhere inside, like the message in the messages, like i know who God is.
