Bks....tots.....& friends again.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
♥ Saturday, July 29, 2006
..................................BoOks!.........................................
Cat & Dog Theology (120706) by Bob sjoren & Gerald Robinson is another of those christian books. It makes the distinction btw cats and dogs, claiming cats think that they deserve all the glory, and dogs think that their masters deserve all the glory. Well, Evelyn asked me to buy the book...ask HER wads so good about it! But i did bring back one thing tho: that it has to stop being about me. It has to be about God and His glory. So, the naggin did kinda work.
Lost Worlds by Michael Bywater (240706) was hailed as an all time classic. And it is. Its cheem la, u have got to know a hell lot, to digest what he is writes about; after all its about things that are lost. (which i dont! so you can imagine how much of the book i actually could absorb:)) i found the part about God particularly interesting though. Especially when it provoked my inquiry into ontology(what is) and phenomenology (how we experience). Constance's friend dropped me a website when i was in jc2, when my enthusiasm about God led me into the arrogance that i knew more than others based on the sole perspective of theology. How foolish. Anyway, i kept that website ever since and it has aided me more than ever in my pursuit of knowledge.
Prayer & Common Sense by Thomas Green (260706) was a book recommended to me by Jude. Its super good. And there's alot to learn from it! One i found really good was his observation of Ignatian prayer: btw meditation and contemplation. ( i might not remmeber it so fully, so feel free to correct anything erroneous) Meditation is based on scripture most often; it deals with how one applies the text to one's life. Contemplation deals with the imagination.I guess its how much the circumstances of life can speak to a person, based on how vivid or reflective that person is. And Thomas Green said both are NOT mutually exclusive, which means actually we should actually try out both forms of prayer and actually see which one suits us better in encountering God. Good book.
..........................................Tots................................................
If i bore you again, well, screw it. The blog's my thoughts, and i figured the only way for me to be trully free, is to let opinions dissipate into thin air, as quickly as it came. Today's thoughts are about law. Not criminal or corporate, but silence. The law of silence. We know that sound requires a medium to travel, right? Basic physics. So in the vast universe, with the vacuum as the background, you'd reckon that its basically a deafening silent atmosphere. (Of course, for space, using the term 'atmosphere' is kinda oxy moronic.) Anyway, i thus infered that God, had intended silence. And there is a certain law of silence that i wish to speak about. That eventually, all will be.
About the wk? Outfield. Again. But i discovered something. Probably it isnt a discovery, its more like a rememebering. Silence. I think thats somehting God puts in quite often whilst my time in army. I think noise, or music, or even thoughts, or people cloud our perspective. There are certain occasions when i get to see things sooo clearly. And i really love those moments: its as if you cant see ahead, but you know at this point in time what you have to be, that will make you complete. In the jungle, with only the nature to speak back, with my book and with no mp3, i sometimes do find that. Silence.
Temptation. The silence of the conscience, "i know what is good, but i choose to do what is evil." (somewhere in the bible) and "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"(also somewhere from the bible:)) Temptation is the loud hailer, the seductive voice of our subconscious (which has been influenced so greatly by what it has been fed) gives the right nudge, and with an act of the will, we have silence, again. This time, silence from God, silence from all that is clear, silence from good and silence for good. In that, the vehemence of Vex assumes its position in the battle front and we end up bowing down to our new King and Queen: Guilt and Shame. So, from a life of Richard Clayderman's Ballade Pour Adeline, we walk into a life of Linkin Park's "It doesnt really matter". So, we have a new definition to silence! The silence of clarity, and the hailing of stupidity!
Probably the biggest temptation, and the deadliest because its the most subtle, is pride. We slip into it with any form of accomplishment; a slight hint of an encouragement can swell into an unconscious superiority-complex, even the path of doing what is right can be shadowed and tainted by it. Argh, what a headache. Doing the right thing, but still not right?? IN the sense, pride is the loudest attack on whats left of our serene and silent environment. BUT like i said, the good God, still has that law of silence! So, the louder the voices are, the more deaf we'll eventually be. So, on one hand, we have the world who's increasingly vociferous, and we balance that on the other side of the world with people who are becoming more and more deaf. What happens when the world's completely deaf? No more morals, no more right, no more justice, no more silence, just blasting wars, explosive discrimination, a fortissimo of violence and hate, chaos and anarchy...to the point of? Silence!! God will make His law established. And Man will only live to adhere to the terms and agreement of this law: silence as that in the Garden of Adam and Eve, or banished to the music of Man's folly.
What does silence have to do with us? More than we know. I think when anyone evaulates her life, and ask whether he or she had a meaningful stay on earth, i think he or she would gauge it by the silence that resonates within, more than that of vast accomplishments. I believe everyone is looking for a certain silence, whether its the silent approval of one's family, or the silence of knowing and being. What is a silent retreat for? For knowing and being. Though i havent been in one, i'd reckon its kinda like that: i am silent for God to let me 'know' something; and that something transforms me to 'be'.
..................................friends, again.........................................
i have 3 distinct groups of friends. I am being ambiguous about the term 'friends' here, for its sheer sensitivity. Anyway, i went out with my marist friends. These are the marist friends whom i still keep in touch with : Torrence, linus, desmond, yi ming, chian yee, samson, darren and munpun. Quite a handful. But a melancholic drop from our usual 'strength'. And thats the growing up part: we see how people make their choices; how people decide over whats important; we see how our places in people change, we see how people's places in us change, we deal with who's leaving and who has already left and who is left. And then we, begin doing our imperfect definitions of who is a friend.
There's always something about friends. Nostalgia. The mind identifying with reality on what it's lost. And i guess, if one really intends to be sad about it, the world does seem like a pretty lonely and silent place at times. but i dont. from sec 1 till now, that being a good what 8 years?? Thats something to really marvel at. Forget the nonsense that we talk about when we meet, forget the fact sometimes we dont realyl go deep, the VERY fact we meet with all of us identifying subconsicously and silently that 8 years of being friends brought us where we are is enough reason to shut all you people who believe depth and sharings are the only way friendship exist.
My dad used to say that it doesn’t matter if u don’t have many friends, as long u have a handful of really good ones... (was it my dad? haha should be). And i realised, yeap i've made and lost some friends over these span of time in NS, and for a good while it did bother me. But, no longer. No longer. Gee, i sound quite bitter. Hope I’m not.
I realized one problem i have with msc is this identity crisis. People are generally nice, and at times they make the effort to grow close. And there are times you really grow appreciative. And just when you felt like you found something 'more', that very person gives you that impression it was all for the sake of sharing. So question. Am i a friend because of me? or because of community? Am i even a friend, because at times when we're enjoying, we seem to be friends more than at times when you or I are struggling? And don’t even get me started on struggling haha. I had quite enough of establishing really genuine friendship in msc, not because it doesn’t exist, but maybe my idea of it is just too idealistic. Disappointment and disillusionment is still fresh in my head. I'd be honest; it’s no longer anger, but more self preservation and protection. But I think, the real bigger problem is, I no longer really care.
So yes, I think it is easy for whoever’s committed to make self righteous comparisons of how they are giving so much and some are just receiving, how community should mean more to people as it does to you, it is very easy to point a finger and ask why he or her isn’t doing as much as you. But know that, in your endless pursuit of blame, the imperfection or un-fulfilled ideals can solely come from one’s incompetence in acting what one believes. Argh I am getting too cynical again. So let’s stop.
I think it’s no longer adversity that tests friendship. I think its time. And I think time filters the real from the fake, the committed from the deluded, and maybe, in time, I will hopefully realize that people who I was cynical of? Can just be as good a friend as Munpun, or Samson, or Val, or Eve (for you, you’re a close friend, hahaa but you’re a lousy one!).
If our lives were depicted as events happening in the world, our friends are our newscasters and journalists; we get to see what is happening to us because our friends take note, and inevitably lets us know that though there are billions of other events that also simultaneously happen, its our event that matters to them.
