She asked me,' who are you?'
I had no answer. i used to think that looking in a mirror, i would figure that out. Now, i believe with a person, with a relationship, i will know.

So, she asked me, 'who am i?'
And i wonder, these 2 questions are not the same, and yet they seem so. I cannot answer who she is, maybe because i can not answer who I am.

I look at the mirror, and i see a person staring back. I dont know whether i know the person anymore; but i long to believe i do. I long to believe we have to have a place in this world, a place that is unique, special and precious because that is the place that is due to you and no one else.

She said,'i am Viktoria. Spelled with a 'k''
I always marvelled at how unique this was; how often you knew a person who's called Viktoria, with a k? Probably in Russia. It was a question to provoke. Of course i knew her name, i met her in College for crying out loud. But still, she broke the silence with 'i am Viktoria, spelled with a 'k'', and that surprised me.

I was surprised at how she said her name like it was her, in a nutshell. I wondered did Marcus, mean me? Could 'Marcus' represent things about me? Or was 'Marcus' simply a noun people use to connect, when they think of me. Why does it matter? Because I am a storehouse of memories; i am a deposition of experience; I am alive. While i am alive, i need consciously know what being alive means, and that strangely is answered in her 'i am Viktoria, spelled with a k."

While we are the reflections of each other's being, we can conclude one thing: we know we are alive because of the other. So what does being alive means? That in another person, the person whom we love, we get to breathe. To kiss, is to breathe life, the life that gives meaning to the other, the meaning of life.

I asked her,'Are you happy?'
She looked at me blankly. She seemed too blase about it and that thoroughly disturbed me. Of course, i did not show it.

She said," Do i need to be? A person's life is so transient. Happiness today is elusive; if we cant achieve it in that short period we call a life, what is there to lose? What matters is whether we are fully alive. There is a place we all eventually will go, thats established." She grinned, and continued," And that place, is one we all should learn to ponder over."

Ponder over death? Is it asking what happens when we die? Or is it simply thinking about death- the grueling process of ageing, the last few seconds of breath one comes to inhale and goes through a complete evaluation of his life, or the family he wishes to have stand by while he passes on? More importantly, what does death have to do with being fully alive?

I replied Viktoria,' of course you need to be. Life is short, if we arent happy, what is the point of living? We go through the motion of life, seeking an answer. I believe that the answer to the end of any question, is happiness."

She stopped me right there.' Well, what about sadness? What about disappointment? What about passion and ambition? Happiness to me, is one aspect of life. A life lived, comprises of more than just this aspect. Well, can you say a life sad and suffered, or a life passionate or a life cynical is not a life?'

'I guess the question will then be, what kind of life are you looking for.' I continued thinking about death. There was once this question posed, 'if today was the last day of your life, how would you live it?' And the answer, lived everyday, would be the defintion of a complete and fulfilled life.

'What is the life you are looking for, Marcus?'

'Well, i want to be a movie star. I want to be an engineer or a lawyer or an accountant. Maybe i 'll be a pilot.I aspire greatness. I long for a family, a car, a loved one. I aim to be the best that I can be. Someone important in society, in the world. I want to be rich. Some tycoon or datuk or minister. Someone strangers will look at and be amused at the achievements I've consolidated over the years. By the age of 50, i should have properties and cars. I should have the life i want.'

She stopped, and stared right into me. It seemed to go right through me. She then asked once more,' who are you?'