The Act chapt 2.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
♥ Tuesday, August 15, 2006
We held hands as we watched Family Man.
After the movie, Viktoria said," there was clearly a path the protagonist was meant to take. i think the main phrase in the movie, that conveyed the theme was 'i have never stopped loving you.' " With that, she gripped my hand tighter- did she want to tell me somehting? i would never know.
"I feel movies make the world a lighter place. Newspapers on the other hand, is one big anthology of tragedies. Sri Lanka, Israel-Lebanon are the more obvious crises, Sino-Japan with Koizumi and that war shrine nonsense, plus Iran and North Korea's never ending demand of nuclear prestige is a time bomb waiting to implode. And we all sigh in resignation because the way newspapers are: completely, resignedly objective."
Viktoria thought for a moment, " I know for one that God is in control of everything."
"How so?"
"Well, these are definitely trying times. But these werent the worse; there was communism and nazism and all that post world war 2 crap. That was when people thought evil would prevail, but still it crumbled. We have to put things in the correct perspective: sometimes God allows bad things so good things can all the more shine."Viktoria said.
"Well, it sure took lots of sacrifices to show that good prevails huh.."I smirked.
"thats because we're hard nuts to crack. You see, you, Marcus, tend to have quite stereotypical thoughts. And thats mostly because of your pride, i would imagine. You criticise, and you condemn. But take a step back, and more often than not, the cup is meant to be seen as half full."
"Ok. You know, in army, i get alot of time to myself. By a manner of perspective, that is a good thing. I get to ask myself alot, daydream alot, talk to myself alot, and think alot. And most often, i see myself going back to this thing about humility. Somehow, i just have to have it. Maybe its because i lack it, or maybe its because i know it will somehow get me what i want."
"God's your service provider huh?"
"must you be so direct?"
"Well, yeah. If you cant be honest with me, and if i am who you say-your evidence of existence, how can you be honest with you? Ok, but well, it works like that in the world. I too face that same problem of making God one huge ATM. All i need to do is cash in a prayer and what i desire passes out." Viktoria said. As she said that, i suddenly grew self conscious.
Suddenly i felt watced, like an animal on display, by Viktoria? Do i need to act right, or say the right thing? HOw come she has all my answers? Do i look stupid talking to her? I have got to look brighter. But it all pales in comparison to her knowledge. Its her wisdom that's so humbling! All the little details i pride myself with, of looks and of knowledge, breaks down with a simple statement of honesty! Honesty!
"If you cant be honest with me...how do you be honest with you?" i murmered. I realised that she was being far too honest, and that scared me. There was a certain part of me, that i still want kept behind the mask. Viktoria often pulled off that mask and exposed me, for the me that i was. That was scary.
I supposed she did notice the sudden stiffness, and perhaps reacted accordingly by changing the topic. That was Viktoria for you- playing the tune in such a manner it becomes too deafeningly honest, and leaves you in the lurch while drifting tactfully into another topic. What was so attractive about her? I often asked myself. I often asked myself, not because I liked her any less, but because the attraction seemed to grow on a very mysterious premise. And what that premise is, I am trying to find out.
It must be the smell. The fragrance of intellect and the odour of honesty. The aroma of confidence that she wears, both attracts and repels(when you're on her bad end). There is somehting that lingers after being with her: the smell clings unto you. Love is like swimming, you get to do the stroke you want to do, move your limbs however you wish, and do it free. You get to move and relish your being- because in the pool, everyone's swimming. Everyone's looking stupid, and no one laughs. When was the last time you did a breast-stroke, in a lecture theatre without getting people's attention?
When she wraps her arm around mine; when she laughs at the stupid comments i make; when she looks into my eyes, she lets me swim.
Thats the aroma she gives me. To move and to be free.
