change of add
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
♥ Tuesday, August 08, 2006
why chatter-ology, from the i read, watch, think, write?
i dont know. I guess its all chatter in the end. i din go session on sunday. Helping sis plan next hol trip. DAmn excited abt that. But behind it, i felt i had enough of comm, for the wk.
I feel i am slowly losing it. At some point in time, i was all so clear about every damn thing. Abt what God wants, about how to live life, how to be grateful and so on... i even managed to cook up some whimsical, comical prose on life, friendship, love, books and so on. Today, things seem to be in a blur. Maybe i am too concentrated on the'i' once again, when i should realise things basically are humourous chatter.
There's much i want and have to do, much that is required. haha, suddenly, i am ambitious all over again. I want this and i want that. For? to? Satisfaction. Pride. I changed the address because i realise i know longer blog to blog, i blog for ostentatious purposes, and thats downright capricious.
Happy? Perhaps. Or maybe i dont believe it anymore. I used to think and believe in the power of cynicism. Or, the power of knowledge, and intellect. Now, i only retract to a simple,'i dont know.'
What dont i know? Community. Vision? Mission? The agm was a big battlefield of pride against God's will, of anger and solitude against hope. What seemed to be sources of inspiration, have retreated into the realm of 'mere words'. I no longer need to justify what i mean, cuz i no longer wish to explain. Is that identity? Sounds like madness. But, to tell the truth, i am angry.
I am angry at no one but me. And i realise this anger can only be drowned out by other's, music, rock, movie, the bloody punching bag, or you. Flattery against honesty? Right. We've seen enough affirmations to make it flattering, and enough criticisms to make it honest. Stop, Marcus, stop.
