RAGE
Saturday, September 23, 2006
♥ Saturday, September 23, 2006
oh God, i so need to bitch. Be honest? About you and you. And you. Jeez man, i've got to stop.
I dont think its hard to be the good guy. I think its impossible. Thinking again and again about throwing in the towel. Hhaha, kinda like those 2 who did. 1's at sabbatical, another's i dunno.
Its so attractive, no? Why go in each day with the feeling of wanting 'out'? Why tie yourself with unnecessary burden and concern? Why, oh why, begin caring..when on reflection, you're pretty much an island? How did i become so angry? Doubt?
Well, to let my feelings be known, I am pissed. With you. Actually, not you. Them. Them for taking you from me. It was you and me, and them. Now, its you and them, and me. Sounds like a 13 year old identity problem? yea perhaps. Perhaps, i am not at my age, because i spent my growing up days dealing with 28 year old problems.
I told you, time and time again. How much it mattered? But no. You know what u did? You hid yourself behind 'busy lor'. Yes, brilliant.
You know whats a mirage? Its something you come to, only realise its actually quite some distance away. And...when you make that distance? You see it yet ahead! After some while, you begin asking yourself, am i ever gonna reach it? Probably..probably in eternity.
My ideals? Oh yeah. Of course. How could i ever forget. Yet, another mirage. So the only question is when I am gonna wake up, and stop thinking i will eventually make it. They are nice..oh God, its a rule to be nice there. And i want to be too! I want to help..oh i am dying to spread and listen and share. But, there's always a damn catch! The catch is, the person-in-charge gotta hear us first, we must settle the PR side, there are some people we cant talk to for political reasons. DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF?
I used to think of the destination. Now, i get bewildered just thinking about the 'how to get there'.
How did it turn to this, i wonder? What happened to the all-out-for-them me? Shit man, i see myself in the 3rd person and i feel kinda sorry for myself. But, snap outta it marcus. Its only a matter of time before you 'see the light'. Talking to Dexter 2 years back, have really took its toll on me man. But, i guess it is only a matter of time before i saw it like this.
Whats my problem? That my world has no more or little awe. That i constantly ask when am i ever gonna be living? Because if i havent been, i have actually been rotting. And thats a frightening thought. The problem with they, is that, whenever i am there..i feel i can live, but i havent. I am learning how to, but have yet do. I am given the ends..but not the means.
Ppl are telling me i am too cheem.. Am i not a voice also dying to be heard in this world of music and noise? Telling me i am too cheem does nothing. It only tells me, my voice they hear is indecipherable- they're deaf to my music and indifferent to my noise, all behind the guise of 'too cheem!'
Now, constance, if ur reading this, these are my reasons. Been penning it down even before we talked comm today. Glad i talked to ya abt it. And haha the 'mae' thing? you're never gonna hear the end of it.
Marcus, tts quite enough thank you.
