Tuesday, November 07, 2006
♥ Tuesday, November 07, 2006
i am running outta time to do a decent post. And i am hungering to do one!
Slowly, but assuringly, i am beginning to understand the tenacity, shrewdness and intellectual stamina needed to walk a life bearing the cross.
Whilst i was in Vj, i realised i drift too often to a fantastic dreamland of faith: my hiding comfort and my bombshelter from the tonnes of challenges that were paved in front of me. That was why it was such a struggle to go to school. I never considered facing such obstacles head on...classmates, friends, studies alike. I lost all of them to a false understanding of living Chrisian.
Of course, living life to the fullest means more than just decent analytical behaviour, it requires a heart: of self-sacrifice and service. And naturally, life presents you with pains, emptiness and loneliness all on its own. The question is do we run, or do we stand up to it.
I had a good chat with God yesterday. As usual, I was the one doing all the talking..which kinda ends up to be complaining. But i can see myself maturing a way no other being other than God would have allowed- to deal with issues that are present, to face up to challenges and dare to brave the storms He feels we should.
Thats why today's word is 'authentic'. A faith like gold that can withstand the fire of doubt, the scalding isolation and the blistering cynicism. Our unique individuality is no longer marked by age- it is marked by what we do.
So what must i face?
1) A friend.. Its tough and at this point in time it seems impossibly difficult, as the past is as irrevocable as how fresh it is in my memory. But before that..i must break through my..
2) Cynicism. A result of thinking too much and striving to intellectually outdo. Many many times, its this cynicism that leaves me guarded, and a sense of invulnerability that i sheepishly enjoy. Its unhealthy la..
3) Interpersonal relationships and communication. I loathe uncomfortable silences and yet its just stupid to yak abt nonsense. So the key question is how to develop issues thats pertinent to the other and interest both me and him/her. Also, this inability to speak in a grp-end up blabbering! Courage!
Are all these indicative of my relationship with God?
But its always heartwarming to know that i am making slow progess. Not much of a breakthrough, albeit really affirming, occasional triumphs.
Im suddenly confronted by a daunting task in ministry in my army cell. I mean, its quite simple to state opinions and sharings, but i realise that i have so much difficulty talking about church, and yes, community..that it throws my direction off. Its distracting and demoralising. Talking about God on one hand..and brining the idea to a non believer have never been quite so hard.
But, got to try.
