SOMEONE TELL ME
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
♥ Tuesday, April 24, 2007
JUST what to do.IN 3 days, i will be flying off. Or i will not. What does it mean if i fly off? Means i close an option, for good. That i do not want this enough to make that sacrifice. But how do i do that? I just cant make that decision...yet.
Or in 3 days, i will still be here. I will take my test on the next day, with absolutely no idea whatesoever how it will turn out. And so if it turns out bad, i would have effectively lost out on THAT, and my trip. How do i do that?
Yet, it seems almost a redundant question which choice i should make. On one hand lies a potential future, and on another a holiday. Yet, i am so inclined to look at the momentary, the transient and the near.
There are ways to go about doing this. LIttle adjustments that make both fit in. A short compromise on that, or a little hassle on this. BUt when the dust is settled, and all talk comes with no action, when i am at that threshold having to select one hand over another, not being able to have my piece of cake and eat it...what will i do?
This is a dilemma of insurmountable proportions, decisions so painfully obvious yet impossibly difficult to make. A conundrum of the heart, chided not by intellect but by emotion. And in that is a tiny audacity of hope, that against everything, it will be alright.
Whilst writing this, i am struck with a small epiphanic thought. Mayeb the grasp is not between the holiday and the test, the balance not between future and pleasure. Perhaps the sine qua non, is what the sine qua non is. What is important.
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