a tough lesson in humility and sensitivity.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
♥ Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Interesting how in the past 2 days i have managed to piss off 2 friends in school successively, effectively. The experience was nothing short of gruelling. Friends in school. I have quite a few of them, yes. But we display a different kind of sincerity, a different kind of communication, maybe a different kind of senstivity altogether. Whilst i had that 'chat' with D, i realised it is not easy to ask for understanding, nor is it right to. In fact, sensitivity demands that nothing should be asked for, only accepted. Not only that what was done was wrong, it has nothing to do with what was meant and sent, only what was received. And that took alot out of me. S, pissed-off-friend-number-2, asked me "i dont understand why you have to keep this wall around you by being annoying". Deep; and when S said that it seemed as though there was a slight glimpse of an offer to understand me. Or so i thought. Nevertheless, it was good advice. Whilst i can be all psycho-analytical about this, i guess i realised that there are persons to me who matter. Even in law school. Strange as that might sound. And to have upsetted someone who is isnt a nice feeling. Especially when reasons become excuses, any more offers of explanations become "explaining things away". It is a difficult lesson to learn, and maybe the utmost necessary. To watch and learn, observe and listen, speak less and hear more. Cant deny at how irritated i am at this-a part of me asks "what the heck is wrong" another part of me says "well just work at it you know"; another part goes "crowd-pleaser" and yet another part mutters " human dynamics" and the last part sighs " oh man what is happening". And i guess i roughly know what is, in fact, going on. What i am learning is not new i guess..just interpersonal skills. Something that if i actually acquired in church, i dumped in the army. And when D said "dont push it" with every question i asked (and this is one of those few situations where i tried to tread very carefully), it was like in a field of landmines, a step too much and something blows.To give a little background info: For S and D i always thought we communicated differently (maybe as time passes i'll come to learn that there are more ppl i communicate in the same way, but for now i think its just S and D), its usually a lot of teasing alot of hilarity, little things that are serious but i just thought that was the way things worked. Guess i was wrong. It just isnt. They are looking for respect and compassion and i am guessing that whatever transpired only showed that i have anything but.And this is wreaking alot of havoc. It is confusing as it is frustrating, especially in the midst of important tests and events. Especially since i am going to be at closer working proximities with them and most importantly because i think they are friends worth keeping. And so, yes this is a tough lesson to learn. And i think i need to learn, between my pride and the friends around me, who or what is exactly important.
