an old christian world new.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
♥ Tuesday, December 29, 2009
"See mother, I make all things new", said a man on his knees, his raw wounds stinging against the hostile gravel and unforgiving sand. His wounds were self-inflicted some would say. Surely he could have said something else or denied what he said. He could have been euphemistic, at best. He did not. So where he was, he must have chosen. On him a monstrous trunk set his fated and painful destination. And around him stands a mob relishing the moment in self righteous condemnation with fists and curses- a cruel contradiction when taken in contrast with the welcome the man received earlier in the week.
Strange how the passage of time lends us to witness huge contradictions. Egoes the size of bell towers reduced to humble rubble in a matter of semesters. Ideals so romantic that painters would delineate a square metre of the Sistine Chapel to, by a mere matter of years, retired to a shade of exhausted grey. What two virgins lose underneath the shelter of a blanket, becomes a kicking and chuckling gain in a span of nine months.
And it is at this time when we are at our prime, with our intellect firing and searching for more to devour in a feast of understanding, that we come to witness a huge contradiction within ourselves: our desire to lead a christian life seems hopelessly irreconcileable with the sexual urges that this world tells us to unleash. A fiery beast seems to be awakening and the guard to the gates, with more thoughts and less clothes, loses resolve to cage it in. Is our world ever going to be different, can it be made new?
I would begin by saying that struggles do not make sense unless we know what the struggling is about. And the struggle is NOT about staying away from sex. The struggle is in the wait. The problem is in the meaning of waiting. And i do not offer so much a solution than an instrument for competition. What am I competing for? For your mind's eye. For a perspective that shapes our intellect and our decisions. The challenge I have undertaken is to find an equally compelling view of sex that not only makes sense, but makes sense sufficiently for one to re-orientate his or her lifestyle. It is difficult, but like that same piece of wood, it sets the destination, and the destination is promising.
If this discussion sounds like one made from some high horse, I intend to step down from it immediately. I am excited about the task ahead and I venture into the territories of the ideal, perhaps one more time. But the task is grounded in reality. The task is to have one love knowing. Know what makes us who we are. And to love knowing is to love doubt and to love questions. And to love, isnt that what life is about.
I struggle and fall. And I have realised it is not enough to try to get back on my feet. It is more important to know what makes my choice to fall or not a meaningful one. And although i am in my search, i have found a powerful microscope to tell me what goes on within. And with that I also found within myself the capacity and ability to take the fight to them. We take the fight by making the old, new.
Simple Things
Saturday, December 26, 2009
♥ Saturday, December 26, 2009
What is beautiful?
Enduring the rain. Singing cheesy romantic songs and laughing at ourselves. Love is in the air, among 4 heavily armoured personnels carrying umbrellas, huddled together in a miserable tent. Ranting about the inevitability and inescapability of reservist, but relishing the unspoken fun and enjoyment in seeing a familiar face after a year long absence.
Listening to the breeze. With none other than a close church friend. And church is important because spirituality gives a depth of appreciation to the waters and the trees, that the aesthetically defunct me can never truly get. To have music that are sung by the waves against the shore, by the trees against the wind is to be a part of a More.
A study group taking shape. That beyond the personal convictions, lie an anticipation to amass the creative enthusiasm of persons to bring a new dawn to our Belief. It is life-giving and the seeds that we'll sow are going to be revolutionary. I guarantee it even if I stand alone in this.
Having an old friend celebrate christmas together. An old and good friend.
