departure
Monday, February 07, 2011
♥ Monday, February 07, 2011
People say the cup half empty and half full, because they think you can choose perspectives. You might be a pessimist but you can choose to be an optimist. Start seeing the up, and you wont pay much notice to the downs. But what happens when the very reason I feel up is why i feel down? What happens when you pour a cup half empty into a cup half full? You do not get a full cup. You get a sense of what i am feeling.
I can think of the great times that we have had. It's Universal Studios and Karaoke, Steak and Durians, Friends and family, Chinese new year and Christmas. Its spending almost everyday with each other infused with a certain sense of fun and purpose. But I know full well that i am using the past tense in its description. "It's" is only short form for "it was". The cup half full into the cup half empty.
Trying to console myself with the heaps of work to be due soon only reinforces that reality that require such consolation in the very first place. And there is much to do, there are essays, take home papers and research. But there is that huge gap within me that is growing by the minute.
On the other hand, the cup half empty can sometimes be poured into the cup half full. I can regret about the times I have fallen short of my promises, realizing that those moments were times of grace for the dialogue it conjured
I can tell you that i am blissfully happy, and yet incredibly sad.
It is a battleground for emotions with an overarching resignation. Tomorrow is that day that we will have to part for some time. It is tearing me up. Maybe when you pour a cup half full into a cup half empty, you get a broken cup. I do not know.
That is the thing about tomorrows. Most dont even pay attention to it. But before you know it, there wont be any tomorrows. Before you know it, you will be wondering how many tomorrows are left. I feel paralyzed by tomorrow. It is like watching an event unfolding, from a distance. Unable to change the direction of fate and simultaneously resisting its happening. Resisting its happening, even though the cause and consequence of that happening are really, really beautiful things.
